happy day. Had school. Nothing too significant happened. Said hi to some people. I notice it's always me saying hi first. I guess I don't mind. but, I wonder if I didnt say hi...would they? erm... I got the nerve to talk to Devin yestorday. It was kinda sad. I was fluttery and skiddish, but he couldnt do anything this weekend. Which ends up pretty good, because I couldnt either. but, hey, I got the guts to do it. He said "Thanks Kirsten..." I like to hear my name come out of boy's mouths. nice nice we had drumline sectional. It makes me sad. there's so much work to do. people not knowing their parts. sadsad sad I got fired from my job to do drumline... it's sad. I have NO money at all. maybe 50$ in the bank. I dunno if I can go to GC at all even. No money. at all. I don't know who I'd ask. Jake face? haha. yeah right! I hope I can go. memories. Megan and I worked on pit gloves today! it was very fun. until ali and preston came out. Sometimes I hate it so bad I cry. It's like mom doesnt care. She stays on the computer all day singing. maybe, just today. but...I hate feeling out of control. I'm a teenager! I'm supposed to be out having fun...before I'm stuck at home hating life. It makes me sad being here. the spirit is never here in the upstairs. and I hate going to my room because of the smell of the basement. I hate living in a stinky house. with the comments "you smell like your house" I don't like feeling like trash. my room is my only escape though sometimes. Or I'll find myself at Bree's house. I'm so glad she loves me so. I'm over there a lot. It's not that bad I guess... I should be thankful. but its hard. I don't want to be the one incharge. but, If I don't do anything no one will. or maybe I'm just selfish. I hate it here sometimes. Later bree and Landen came over. different times though. we talked. well, first just the girls. it was so nice. girl talk. I hope... oh... it's so sad...this world. it makes me ill. its sad to see how sad people are. how sad I am. I wasnt put on this earth to be sad all the time. but, there is no joy without sorrow. no me without God. It...just makes me sad. Today in seminary bro low talked about being ready. more prepared. like with my arrow already bent. I have to stand for something in this irritating world. gosh...if only they knew... *rolls eyes* anyways, we were all happy. laughing. having fun. I forgot how much fun landen is. we're friends and it makes me happy. It's still weird to think back just a year ago. haha, my first kiss.... hmm... It's a beautiful life. I have to march banner tomorrow, don't want to. but there will be lunch! yayayayay! lunch!! free food, hah! this life must get better, it has to get better...please...get better. I imagine you at the end of my rainbow