Wow, it's been a while! I almost forgot I had this little journal. this is a tangent entry. This break home has been the greatest learning experience of my life.I feel like salt water taffy- being pulled and tugged every which way. But, as we all know, thats the only way the taffy gets soft and chewable! Yes, looking on the bright side! a couple of weeks ago bree and I went to the HANNAH MONTANA 3D CONCERT!!! Yeah, it was pretty good. haha! We were by far the oldest fans there. I loved it! I've really been struggling with things I never thought I would struggle with. I find that every time I feel like I know who I am something else happens and I'm thrown out of my comfort spot totaly. But, I'm also finding that the warm water starts to get cool and it's time to move on! I'm not so scared of taking bigger risks (that are sooo worth it). I must step into the darkness to truely see the light. wow, this life is really all about taking those leaps of faith. right now I'm doing a little more than leaping! Ive been seeing more of Mark lately. It's been a difficult trial, I'll admit, but part of that is my own doing. He's really helped me learn a whole lot about myself, life, love, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love learning from him. Most of the time I feel like a little tag along. He's just so above me sometimes...most of the time. But, I love him. He;s been a great friend, especially at those times when I didn't have anyone. He's taking me out tonight to the play and I'm pretty dang excited! How I talked him into going to the play is beyond me! We're even dressing up! Mark's been good to me and for me. I realised pushing him away after all of this has been really selfish and ungrateful of me. I'm sorry mark. I do not know where this is going to go, but I'm definitly learning so much and I love the experience. This butt-crazy-lovely life! I've also been seeing a lot of Nate. Yeah, he's cute. haha. We've gone out about...6 times I think. haha, they all have been really fun dates and I love getting to know him! He is totaly out of control! It's pretty hilarious! Yep Yep Yep! Elder Matt Ditto sent me a letter that I recieved yesterday. He's so funny! He's doing really well and soon he'll leave the MTC and start serving in Russia. I love the change that has come over him! He's different. He's becoming that diamond I saw deep inside him. HE's becoming the man the Lord needs him to be. He is going to be a great instrument on his mission. I hope and pray he continues to stay humble. That kid had such a big head before his mission. I always felt it my obligation to tell him so, too. I don't know what it is about matt, but its as if we were supposed to be friends. He's sure helped me a lot, too. I love his letters. Anyways, last night was a really good night. as I was shoveling my driveway I watched my neighbors. They all seemed to be helping someone else out. I felt so...connected to them. these are the people I have grown up with always knowing. Kim Hall was shoveling Carol's driveway. He's out there everytime it snows. The Halls are always helping Carol. They have a lot of patience! I really love Carol though, despite everything. she's the crazy neighbor next door that I will ALWAYS remember!!! I am richly blessed. The other side of my house someone else was doing Ruth's driveway. Even though Ruth is cranky and seems to always be yelling at us, I really like her! She has every right to be bitter, I think. I always like to garden when she's outside. I love hearing her mutter and talk to her ducks. She's a lovely woman! And then there's mike. Oh, dear Mike! He came iwth his snow blowing right when I was finishing. He was too late. I find it so interesting that here is this man who is so against the church, yet deep deep down there's so much of Christ in him. I think he would hate me if I ever told him that. He seems to want to always help me out. He tried finding me a car in my price range last summer. He was disappointed when I told him my real price range. Mike is great. We chatted about his daughter for a while, then we went back to work. He laughed when he sprayed his snow on my newly finished driveway. What a nerd. Yeah, I love me neighbors...my cranky, old, smelly neighbors! Now I'm just chillin at my ghetto hotel, my new place of employment! I love it!! even though the boss is physcho...It's pretty great. I work full time and pretty much get paid to do what I'm doing right now. I love to talk to the customers and learn about their lives. I'm finding that some people just need someone to talk to once in a while. I'll definitly be that person! I also LOVE the housemaids! oh my word! They all don't speak very much english, but if they did I'm sure we would be great friends! but, then again I think I'm friends with just about everyone... My favorite is the girl who comes in to clean the lobby. She's soooo cute! She calls me Christian, but I don't mind because at least shes calling me by...a name. she always smiles and says hi. I wish we could talk to each other more. I should make her a valentine card...yeah! So, this is my life in a nutshell... I'm very excited to go back to school in April. I've just about earned enough money for rent and everything! wahoo! life has been very good! Very hard with decisions I have to make. Full of a lot of disappointments also this past winter...but I'm learning and growing and becoming better! That's all that matters! I also love my ward very much now. when I first moved back I almost switched wards because I thought no one wanted to get to know me. I realise that I have been giving off the "don't talk to me" vibe. But, I'm loving everyone in the ward now. They're such good people. Good to the core! They are so including and willing to serve each other. yep yep yep! I feel like I've really been growing up, and I like it! Odd! Yeah Yeah, Everything is falling into place again. People come into your life for a reason. We may never know that reason, but I believe that's true.