Uh, today was interesting, Kind of a blur. I didn't wake up. haha. So, I didn't got to school at all! I wasn't feeling well and I didn't get in until really late. mmm...about that. Malcolm was all mopey at band. I can understand why...at least. He was texting kaylee (mmm) about me. Oh diary...anyways. At the game (I'll explain later! woo!) He was being stupid. And nice but rude. Cruel to be kind. I made him take me home. I told him he better tell me why he's being so moody. And we had a nice talk. A nice scary talk. I realized I haven't really really talked to someone in a long time. Consumed in the "survival" mode of mine. I still won't let anyone in. How can I really? Don't want to bother anyone. I guess my favorite cousin is the one I really do talk to about EVERYTHING. anyhoo. we talked about that. And how he wishes we were closer. How I'm pushing him away. He hugged me in that way...I tried to push him away. Don't give up on me yet. It sounds stupid, and I'm not expecting you to understand. so I won't go into detail. He held me while I cried. I told him I'm just going to break his heart. He told me that's what he likes about me. I told him my biggest fear is falling in love. He was so sweet. He wouldn't let go. I told him it would just end up bad. he said in the end it all ends up good. this kid! I always thought I was optimistic until I met you. oh yeah, he's grounded now... oh bliss. anways, the game was amazing! and I played the best show of my life! I just...didn't think, I had fun! I laughed on field! I talked to myself and to other people. mountain crest friends cheered for me! I think I'm going to ask austin to girls choice. Tonight was cydne's party. I had so much fun. But, when I got there everyone was just upstairs sitting around. It was lame. but, then we watched a movie and I laughed the whole time. It was nice. I sat with kace and marcie. I didn't get to talk to kaylee at all, but...she was with emily. I dunno. But, I'm glad I went. yeah...anways.