Hey, well today was okay...Lots happened, but nothing great... Anyways, I've been struggling with something I haven't wanted to face for a while now, and I just need to get it out... I have drifted so far away from the Lord, it's not even funny anymore... I'm not even sure when it all started, but I have felt so alone, even though I surround myself with so much to do...I feel like I'm living such a lie...People have commented on how I'm such a great Christian leader, and they wish they could be as close to God as I am...and I am so...not like that right now....At school, I've been trying so hard to fit in that I've listened to 107.5 to learn the lyrics to the new music so I can pretend like I know it too...I've slipped cuss words here and there and I just don't like who I've become...I don't know how many times a day I wish I could be closer to Jesus again and told Him I will....I mean, I want to, but where do I begin? A few Sundays ago, I prayed and cried to God and I felt really good...Then it all fell apart again... Why am I struggling this much with sin? Why can't I just get it right with the Lord and forget it? Why do I feel like I need to fit in? WHY AM I LIKE THIS? For some, it seems so easy to ask forgiveness, but everytime I try, I get knocked back down, and I don't know how to stop it... I don't know how much longer I can fake this life...And live a lie...I just don't know what to do anymore... Anyways, I've gotta get up super early tomorrow to go out with the gang tomorrow... ♥