Alllllright. So last night I went to see Underworld 3 with TC & his friends Ian & Casey. They're a couple. She's really cool, and so is he(: Anyways. I've said a lot of things to Lis that I knew she would tell him, like about making a move, or not being so shy. Stuff like that. And he's come around a lil bit. We get close but he never does anything. Well, last night he asked me if it bothered me that he never made a move. I was like no, because if he doesn't feel comfortable doing something like that I'm cool with it, I don't care. Then he told me he was he guesses, scared because when was in ninth grade some girls fucked with his emotions and he lost his confidence -INSERTED THOUGHT- I kinda hate when guys have this pity story about how they never had a girl like them before me because he was a loser at his old school, and yada yada yada. Well, I told him not to worry about whatever happened, that I liked him for real and wasn't just playing with him. I told him if it made him feel any better I had relationship problems of my own. So, he wants me to tell him what happened, but I told him we'd talk about it Monday in person, it was lengthy. So, yeah, now I feel like I'm the man trying to save the damsel in distress. I mean, there's good and bad to this. BAD : He's only kissed one girl before, and he told me how it went wrong because her breath reeked. And he's never just flirted with a girl, so he's not experienced aaatt alllll. Which sucks. I like a guy with a little experience. That way I'm not teaching him all the little dirty things to do. See? GOOD : This is just like it was with Graham. Even though I was his first girlfriend, and he was my first boyfriend, I still knew what I wanted out of him, and I basically trained him to be the boy I wanted. And it's going to be that simply with TC. He doesn't know what to do right and I'm going to teach him. Lameeee? I dunno, I hope not. It's so weird, because I do like TC. More than I did before, and I'm not iffy about it. But I feel like I don't really like him because I'm not falling head over heals for him like I usually do when I like a guy. I just like him, and being around him, and would be his girlfriend, but not now? Maybe because I just don't know him as well as I'd liked and there's a lot to think about. ^ I feel like I'm trying to make him someone he's not because I want to be his girl, and I feel like if he's this perfect guy I can make him we'll all live happily-ever-after. But is that not wrong? I've been listening to Secondhand & Spill Canvas like all the time. And it brings back the whole era with Cliff that I can't get over. I finally text his new number two nights ago, but he never text me back until yesterday afternoon. But then he never replied to the message I sent him after that. I wish I knew damn sure he wasn't going to come back for me. I wish I wasn't sitting here revolving my entire movement around what he will think, or how it will affect him. I wish I could just find another guy to really like and not worry about it getting around to him. I feel bad because if I date TC, and Cliff decides to come around again and want me back, I'll most likely chose Cliff over TC anyday. /= And that shows that I don't really like TC as much as I say right? I'm just using him to pass time to see what Cliff will do. Mama says that's all Cliff would be doing if we dated though. He'd pass time with me until he found something he really wanted. I CAN'T let go of him. I gave him too much of me in a lot of different ways, and I feel like if I leave that behind...ugh, I dunno. I just really need to figure it out, or maybe I just really need the conversation of dating to come up with TC so I can try to explain everything. That I really do like him, but I just don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to be in a relationship. Ya know? Awioeurhsf. Today is Sunday, I gotta shower for church this morning, kay? ♥