I didn't do it. I was supposed to. I even considered calling the whole dinner off. Got there, ate. Had to work but he stayed there until like 7ish. Hannah & Cam too. I swear, i was doing so good while we were texting and the first day we met. But tonight i was fucking dumbbb. I could literally not think of anything to say. His eyes are so fucking gorgeous, and the way he was looking at me. I could not stop myself. Then oh my goshhh, they left and he gave me a hug (from the side) and i was like stupiddd. Then he leaves and i can text-talk just fine. I flirted a little too much over text too. But that's not the worst part, I'll get there. I freakin told him he was cute. And then here's the worst part. I fuckin called him when i get home. Gahhhh, hes like "Your not quiet now", i was like "I'm not fuckin havin to look at you, gah". I literally cannot stop myself right now and it's really pissing me off. I'ma freakin bad girlfriend, i'm basically fucking cheating on TC right now. I'm going behind his back talking to this guy that likes me! And Thursday we're all going to the movies! Sigh ASRFIAJHGF. Josh knows the situation i'm in though and he's cool, i mean he's not like pissed, and he doesn't want to get in trouble so he's not going to text me tomorrow because i'm hanging out with tc. This is just all so wrong dude. What the fuck is wrong with me. I cannot wait to talk to sarah wednesday. I have got to talk to someone who isnt a fuckin bitchhhh. Oh my gahhh, his eyes...I can't stand it.

I cannot do this. TC is like everything. We have fought against so many people to stay together, we've been through fuckin hell and back and still stayed strong. I mean, we fight over dumb shit, but after all we've been through, there's no way i can break up with him for josh. I barely even know this guy. I don't think i could start over with someone. I am way complicated. I wish i could date more than one guy at once. I'd have fuckin like 10 boyfriends. But there's just no way. It's going to be 11 months tomorrow. We've just been through so much. There's a lot there. He is like my everything. He's everything i do. My life would be empty without him. He's so much apart of me. How could i start completley over with someone new? Someone who doesnt get me, and doesnt know all thoses little things about me, someone who doesnt understand me and the way i act.

There is so much running through my mind. I really need to talk to sarah.

asiuraposnbfoaehf.

goodnight.