So, Happy New Year! I got my New Years kiss [= It wasn't romantic or whatever, but it was a kiss from the guy I love so it doesn't matter. I talked to Sarah tonight, about a lot of stuff. Especially my spiritual life. She encouraged me, and I know she's praying for me. But I'm not sure if I got anywhere from it. I mean, I listened, and I remember everything she said, but I'm just really..blank right now. So, the new church we're going to is really good. Something inside of me is stirred when we're there. I don't know what it is, but I know that if we stay there, something will happen between me and God. I can feel it. And even though I'm not pushing towards a strong relationship with God right now, I think it will be very good for me. I need to be in a good church home and the kind of atmosphere that is there. I honestly need it if I'm going to get anywhere with God. And I want it. Tonight while we were at the altar, this was my prayer: Lord, you know my heart, and You know I have no desire whatsoever to serve You or be in Your will. But Lord, I wanna be where I was two years ago, I wanna be close with You. Give me my desire back, Lord. Change my heart, do a work in my life. Give me my tears back, soften my heart. CHANGE ME I honestly meant that too, even though I wasn't down on my knees crying my eyes out. I do mean it, and I may not be like begging for God to change me, but I want Him to. I'm open for Him. I'm willing to surrender to Him. This past week, I haven't rebelled against God, or so I think, I've just been sitting here, trying to find Him. Maybe all those other times, I was just falling a little too fast into "getting right" again. This time, I want there to be conviction. I want there to be a real desire that eats at me to fulfill it. I'm taking it slow, and I just want God to show me what to do next. ♥ So, let's talk about my amazing boyfriend shall we? I love him you guys. Like, I think now, I can honestly tell him I love him, and mean it with all my heart. Before, when we said it, I meant it, don't get me wrong, but something is different now. I mean it for real. We had our first fight. But it ended really well. Which makes me happy. This is what I love about this relationship. We are both willing to work things out. My other relationship? No. It was like we did not communicate and were not open with eachother. How gay is that? I'm so glad that me and Zach can talk things out, and work them out together. I don't like fighting with him, and he doesn't like us fighting either. But making up is real good [= Tonight was good too. I already told you about the kiss. That was a good kiss too. Seemed perfect to me. I love him. I love us. I'm so glad we're together. [= Anyways kids. This chick is way tired and is getting ready to get to bed ya dig? So I'll write later ♥