The past few days have been so extremely shitty. Last night was FULL of tears.

Here's the situation ... And I KNEW this was coming, I was just hoping it'd be later rather than only 7 months into a friendship. I've never been so close to a friend nor have I cared for a friend as much as I have for Court. Court literally makes a part of who I am today. Without him having been in my life, I would've quit a very long time ago.

Being friends didn't used to be a lot of work. It just worked. People hated us for being so close, but it never swayed our friendship. I guess for him, feelings grew into more than a friendship ... Mine remained friends strict. Plenty of times, I've tried to have feelings for him only because I knew there would come a point where we could no longer be friends if we couldn't date. And here we are, only 7 months into my best friendship and it's pretty much weatered into a huge mess.

And all of this is due to the situation with Rachel. Now, we have two businesses that hold us together no matter what. Yes, we could throw both of those things away, but then where would we be? We technically would be throwing away what made us get this far. I'm holding on as tight as I can to all of this. Trying to keep it together as well as I can.

Although I see that I can't back down from where I am now, I've never wanted to throw it all away more than now. I know that's what people are waiting for, but at the moment, I could get rid of all of that. Its so hard right now.

Going to a show in Charlotte on the 5. Yellowcard, Every Avenue, and Go Radio. I'm really excited for it! :) I've been bringing out my rock music more instead of all this hit stuff. I could listen to my rock music alllllll day. It just never gets old. And I'm kind of not in the mood to flow to a beat but more so to flow to emotions that signify my life.

:/ Stuck at home tonight, not feeling great. I wish this were easier.