It's been 79 days since we broke up.

It's sad, but at the same time almost a relief to me. I've come such a long way from that first week. I'm so confident. I'm finding my self-worth. I speak my mind and don't get run over by other people.

I can trash him, cuss him, embarass him, and pretend he means nothing to me whenever someone is around. But as soon as I'm alone and we cross paths, it's a different story. I could never be mean to him. Even after all the shit he's put me through.

I let his stuff, our pictures, and his clothes sit in my room for two months before I stashed them in a box to be put away. And even after those two months, "cleaning house" brought me to tears.

I've never put so much of myself into one person. I've never loved someone as hard as I loved Josh. I tried so hard. I still have a hard time fathoming what he's done to me. How this has all played out in his favor blows my mind. He's given me a criminal record. He's cheated on me. He's lied to me and dumped me. He's led me on and played the hell out of me. And I STILL cry. Why? I hate it. I hate him for it all.

I can't believe it happened to me. I thought I was careful. I thought I was ahead of the game. Apparently not.

"You just kept getting farther and farther away.

I tried to save you, but it never added up to much.

You'd say, 'I'm falling, farther and farther away.'...

Every single day I tried to tell you that you were beautiful.

But most of the time you never saw yourself for what you really were.

I told you I believed in everything, you and me."
Explains it to the point.