Okay, I worked Saturday night. Well, my mom and i went there earlier to eat dinner, but then she left at 4:30 and hannah was there with cam and this other guy. Well, i went over to the booth and sat next to this guy and we were all just talking and then like i don't even know what happened but cam and josh were looking at me funny and then hannah was telling me he was crushin on me. And then they ended up staying there until like 6 but then they left cuz Christ came in. And this guy, Josh, is like 19, and he has this crush on me and i was so vulnerable because that was the day after me and tc's fight and i was like what the fuck ever about everything. Anyways, hannah slipped him my number and he texted me that night and was calling me cutie. And you dont know how bad i feel. Like i knew i was doing something wrong then. I mean, tc doesn't want me talking to other guys period ya know? And i don't want him talking to other girls! And this guy is like telling hannah that she has to hook us up and i shouldnt have a boyfriend.

Well anyways, i fully expected him to NOT text me today. Wrong. He texted me while i was at work today but i didnt answr cuz i was fixingg to leave. Well, i snuck over to tcs house today and he texts me and i have his number under hannahs name. And like i never texted him back, then when i left tcs house i texted him and stuff and omgggg, this is so not right. Hannah and me and him and cam are meeting for dinner tomorrow night before i have to work and im going to end this. I feel sick on my stomache sometimes when i think about it. I'm being so wrong and not honest with tc and not loyal to him. And i would hate if this was happening to me. And tcs even said before he is afraid i will cheat on him and i basically am. Cheating is doing something i wouldnt want him to read, hear, see, or know about. And this is all of the above. I don't want to lead this guy on, i was just really easy saturday night and let things get a little too far. I have to end this soon. I cant have this guy texting me hey cutie or have him wanting to hang out and tc find out. I'm going to erase all of this and make it go away so there is nothing for tc to find out and nothing i should feel guilty about. If i'm the one who ends it then i'm the one who did the right thing and i wont feel bad at all. I will have done the right thing. This is so stupiid of me. I'm so wrong. Goshhhh

Anyways, theres some other stuff too but i'll write later.

Me and tc had sex today, dont worry, i wanted to so it was okay. I'm glad i got to sneak over there. Hannah covered for me then i made it back for church and thank god my mom or family didnt show up.

I think this is what i'l say "Look, i'm really sorry if i led you on in any way. It makes me look like a slut to you, i'm sure. But i feel like what i'm doing is wrong and we shouldnt be the way we are. Yes, my boyfriend can be an ass, but i do love him, and i'm sorry that i made you think any different. I"m sorryyyy:(" And hopefully he will be really chill about it. I hope :( Either way, if he's not it's not my problem. I'm with tc, and i love him, and in reality, this is NOT right. So byye byee josh. I wont miss this.