This is like the back roads to Virginia Beach. Uuuup....Dowwwn.

I'm really very confused right now. Half the time I'm fine. I mean, I've deleted TC completely out of my life. Except for all the things I can't control. Like a certain song. Or an inside thing. Or someone saying his name. And those things are killing me. I think I'm over him, but then those little things get under my skin and drive me insane. I do whatever I can so I don't see him at school and the past two days, he's been standing right outside my classroom and then I HAVE to see him. I miss him now. All day I've been missing him.

Hailey dated Joey remember ? They dated like a year or so. And then they broke up. And then she dated Henrick for like 3 months! And when they broke up her and Joey got back together. And she's soo happy she says. That could be me and TC. Right now? I feel like the girl from the notebook. She falls in love with the scruffy guy with no money. But then ends up with the guy that is all the right things. You know? A girl would die to have him. But then she falls back in love with her first love! I feel like I'm with Josh cause he the right guy. Ya know? I dunno. I do like Josh..a lot. He's a real sweetheart. But I'm not over TC at all. I'm not. I miss him..Well, I miss who i used to know. He used to be nice. But when I last knew and talked to him, he was really rude and stuck up..That's NOT who I fell in love with. I just don't knoooow. I miss TC and want to be with him again. But I want things to work out with me and Josh too!! I think? I don't knoww. Maybe I'm supposed to get over TC though. I just don't know. Like 5 of my friends have broken up with their boyfriends then gotten back together with them and I feel like I'm supposed to expect that. But so much has been broken, and we've hurt each other so bad. I don't know how it could ever work out again. I just don't know how. It'd be a lot of tension I think and stress and we'd be bitter over past things.

I don't know what I want. I know I'm gonna end up hurting Josh if I can't get rid of my feelings for TC. It's gonna make me push Josh away and not let him in my life. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I could see my future and read TC's mind. I feel like he's completely over me. I mean I think I told you I called to see how he was and he was a total ass to me telling me how he was with Anne and going to see Anne.. and went to the movies with Anne. Like I fucking know who fucking Anne fucking is. I mean he was talking about her like I was supposed to know her. And telling me he deleted my pictures a long time ago..He was just so rude. Gah.

Ive been needing to vent this all out. I just wish I knew what to do. I miss TC. It makes me not want to talk to Josh or be around him or see him. And we're like...dating each other. I should've never ever spoken to Josh. I'd never gotten myself in this situation. But then again. I don't regret it cause I learned a lot about him. And met Josh. Which I dunno.

I dont freakin know what to think or do. This shit sucks.

I just need to get away from it all. Take a break from everything and clear my mind and be on my own. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so attached with Josh right away.

I really screwed up trying to figure things out. I should've just been quiet and still and let things play out rather than trying to fix it myself. I don't want to hurt Joshh :[

I'd rather me be hurt than him. He's just too sweet.

Sigh, goodnight.