So...life is confusing...Well, okay, not life itself...but the things in life... So, let's admit it. I'm not where I should be in my spiritual life. And have I cared much? No. Honestly? I think I gave up. I'm so tired of fighting the devil. I'm tired of feeling guilty when I do wrong. Everytime I get things right, I get knocked back down again. I give up. I surrender. It's easier to give up and let the devil win than to fight him. It's easier to cuss and listen to bad music when I want to. It's easier to be like everyone else. It's obviously harder to go against the grain. Ya dig? Me and Zach have been talking about our spiritual life, and how we are both drifting. I can tell he wants to get things right. And I hate to say this but...I'm not. I don't mean that I enjoy the easy life rather than the hard life. I just mean, I'm tired of fighting the devil when I get right, and I give up. Praying and devotions? It's hard for me. I can't find time to do my devotions...And once I hit the sheets...I'm out and I don't pray much. The devotion book Zach gave me is nice. I like it because it's simple. It'd be easy for me to read a page and think I've accomplished my devos, but if I'm not truly seeking God in my devo's what's the point? Church. I hate going. Not because I hate church itself...I just hate the church I'm in. Yeah, I'm the pianist for the youth choir...but I get nothing out of the services, and if I had my way, I would not be there at all. I don't even know where I would be, or if I'd even be in church..But I WOULD NOT be there. We've basically been to every church in town and there are no good ones. I mean, I'd probably go to Family Tab. I really liked it there. I'm just so worn down with everything. I give up. I'd really like to leave tonight. I don't even know where I'd go, but I'd like to leave. Go anywhere. Some place where no one knows me. I look in the mirror, and I don't even know who I am anymore. Can you tell me? Can you give me the answers to all of this?...I didn't think so. ♥