Well, things are getting better. I'm getting better.

Things with me and TC are shaky. I never know where we stand or what he's feeling. Which, I guess shouldn't matter. I still feel like I walk on eggshells even though were not together. Yesterday we went to the mall just to hang out and I guess it was really hard for him? Cuz then he wanted to leave and he said "Look, I want to be back together. I want you to be my girlfriend again. Please take me back." And I didn't know what to say...And then that night he got mad because he thought I was with Josh so he was like "Answer my questiong now.." And I said "No..." And he got mad and was like "I get straight cuz you asked me to. I got a job, a haircut. I'm doing good in school..And you don't even want me anymore" :[ I gotta admit that hurt a lot. I never thought I'd never want him again. I guess I just see the big picture here. He may've gotten straight but he's still imature in a lot of ways. The money he makes at his job will probably go straight to his mother or blown by him. He won't save money. He doesn't know how. His parents don't. Anyways, that really hurt, so i just didnt text him back. And I was with Josh so it wasn't a big blow to me or anything.

Things with me and Josh are good. We're not official. And the balls in my court. But I'm just not ready. I'm kind of afraid. We hang out non-stop. Which i do like, but I dunno. We text non-stop too. From the moment we wake up til we go to bed basically. No lie. I do like him. A lot. And I do think we'll become boyfriend/girlfriend sooner or later. But right now, I'm not ready to be WITH him even though i'm usually with him all the time. I mean, he is everything I wanted. And it's so weird being with him...I'm not used to someone taking care of me..I'm used to doing that part. So sometimes i get defensive cuz I feel like i'm supposed to do that stuff...But sigh, I dunno. I'm happy with Josh. I really am. My mom even said that I seem happier and not bogged down anymore. My mom is trusting me more too. She doesn't blow up my phone when i'm out with him or friends. My curfew is like 9-10. Josh stays at my house until 11 every night. I'm just happy. I don't have to hide anything when i'm with him. And he likes me for me. Which is wowww. Cuz I thought only TC could like who i really was. And i didn't even hide it with josh. I just came right out and acted like my true little self. And he still likes me. I did that so i could cut to the chase. I mean, i want him to like all of me right now, and know it all right now so he doesn't find out later and decide he doesn't want me anymore. It's easier for me. And it is a relief. I mean, i deff put it out there quick. No makeup. Sweats. Out of the shower hair. Unshaven legs. My temper. Road rage. Etc. He's seen a glimpse of it all. And he still likes me. It's crazie. :]

Anyways, I will write more later. I gotta get ready.

School 12-2:15.

Sarah until tonight.

Josh after that til 11 :]

Byebyeee