This weekend was utterly amazing. All credit due to my youth group and closest friends there. But anyways. Me and Cliff were supppppposed to hang out tonight, but things happened and he had to do something else. As usual. I think it's kind of really over now. Like, we haven't hardly been talking at all. And we finally actually talked talked tonight when he IMed me. But there was no "Goodnight sweetie" in the end. And I dunno, I think it's just over. And I think I'm moving on. I know you've surely heard this before. But last night was youth night and I dunno. I've been "talking" to God, but I've just kind of been telling Him I'm afraid of committing to Him again because when I fail it frustrates me so bad that I automatically throw in the towel and give up. I've been holding back on Him. Then, on Friday, or maybe Thursday, I had my guitar and I started writing these lyrics and singing these lyrics really to God. Trying to explain to Him how I felt and what I meant by things. And Sunday night, God kind of...moved in on me. And even though Cliff was sitting there beside me, I felt this sense of power that made me strong and I felt like I didn't even need Cliff. Even now, I'm trying to give it to God, but part of me wants to hold onto Cliff so bad. But I know that's what's keeping me from being fully Christ's. A lot to think about, and tomorrow I'm going to write some more. Just thought I'd update though... <3