So let me get one thing straight. I only entry about guys that I feel like will have some sort of impact on my life. And as we know, Joshua didn't work out. Waste of two weeks.

PART 1

So, his name is Rudy. Here's the story. Friday nights, me and Hannah and Brian have been going out. But this Friday, Hannah and her boyfriend came, and they brought a friend who was in town from Florida. That was Rudy. He actually grew up here, but lives in Florida now and visits quite frequently. Anyway, we all went to dinner and then went to Thruway ... Josh and Tori just happened to be there too, it was weird. And then we went to Fox and Hound and all played pool. Anyway, back to the me and Rudy part. Rudy is a pretty cool guy. He's really down to earth and I feel like he's individually different than most of the guys I know. Like he's not afraid to laugh or be himself just because people are around. It's like he doesn't know any other way than to be himself. He sees things differently. He hasn't gotten caught up in the society of things and is just gotten to be himself. Friday night we KIND of flirted and all. Saturday night we actually went out to dinner by ourselves downtown. And then today before he left back for home, we had coffee(: I mean, I wasn't gonna be the first to make the moves so I kind of played things by ear. Anyway, he texted me after and was saying it was cool to be able to hang out with me and meet me and that i was cool to find someone he was "interested" in. And he put quotation marks around it so I wasn't sure how to take it so I didn't say anything. But then he was like saying he didn't mean to be too forward but he did find interest in me. So I told him it was a mutual feeling and that kind of broke the ice I guess you could say. He'll be back in like 20 some days. I dunno, we'll see how it goes with him! I'm interested in him for sure. Time will tell!

PART 2

Things with SIC are going much smoother. I enforced the contract and set some ground rules for everyone and stood my ground. They all huffed and puffed but their agreeing to everything so it doesn't matter anymore. My modeling is going great. Got three more shoots lined up for this year. IS 300, Ninja, and a Maserati. Super stoked about them.

PART 3

Court texted me on Thanksgiving. I wanted to talk to him so bad:/ It's just like. Stuff reminds me of him. Songs, places, food. Like I hate so bad that we fell out. I really do. And I would give anything for us to be like we were but now that could never happen just because of what we've done to each other in all this in between time. I get so upset over it cause I miss him like crazy - he was my best friend. And we always said nothing would come between us and we'd be living it large forever. And now all of that is gone and neither of us have what we loved most - which was each other. It sucks. And it's like, I'll get strong about it and then he will end up texting me or some shit and then I'm like:( But what sucks is I know he's behind a lot of the dirty work done behind my back so I have NO reason to be nice to him, you know? I guess I just don't want to believe all of it happened the way it did and just be normal again, but that's never gonna happen and truth is - he really is trying to bring me down - in all ways too.

PART 4

I got my nails done this weekend AND re-colored my hair(: I'm just in a great mood sort of. I had a moment and wrote some lyrics to something I put together on the piano. About Josh, of course. Ever since the break up I've been trying to find the words to say to explain all the feelings I had afterwards, and it finally actually came together pretty nicely. I'm not done with the song by any means, but it's coming together like I'd hoped it would. The music is pretty too, and really different. Can't wait to finish it and put it all together.

PART 5

Secondhand Serenade is coming March 3. I am so stoked for it. I swear, he is like another Jesus to me. When I first was introduced to him back when I was 15, his lyrics helped me through so so much in my life, I LIVED off his words and music every single day. Then last year, getting to see him was almost like getting saved again. The experience to see the guy who wrote the lyrics I lived my life by and felt in my veins was beyond amazing and to have the chance to see him again ? I am just so excited.

PART 6

Brian is really irking me:/ Like, he's really funny and I love hanging out with him, but like. He's got issues, like really. I can just tell he's been through a lot and his looks aren't the best I KNOW he's been hurt before because of that too. People LOVE to pick on him, and it irritates me too because he's a good friend and if people would get to know him like I know him, they would see he's more than just bad looks. He's a great person. But like, he doesn't see that. So he drinks his problems away and does really stupid stuff. And I wish I knew the right words to say and the right things to do to make him see he's worth so much more than that, but I don't know how to do either things the right way. And like, tonight he was like, "Uhm, did you hang out with that guy we met Friday?" And I told him yeah, and he was like "Oh I was just wondering. Well fuck it , gonna drink the rest of this bottle of Vox" Which is like 80% alcohol and Friday night he got tipsy on like not even a quarter of the bottle. See what I mean? He just drinks shit away. I need to figure out what to do there.

ANYWAY

It's time to get to bed. Weekends over, time for school again. FUCK:/ Haha, can't wait for December 19 so I can be done with this shit... NIGHT <3