im listening to Do I by luke bryan. its a great song.

things with me and josh are pretty good. we haven't argued and we've been getting along pretty good. i still have things on my mind about him. the next time we argue im sure they will all come out.

things with us are good. but i still feel like im the one who does everything for him. yes, i may be selfish as a person, like he says and thats true. but in our relationship? im the selfless one. i do everything for him. he wanted more attention, i gave him more attention to make him happy. he wants space and freedom, im giving him space and freedom. i jump when he says jump and run when he says run. but everytime i tell him what i need, it never happens. i dont know how much i can take ya know? im getting really burnt out trying to keep him content and happy. and im still not getting what i need.

ya know, yesterday, we didnt argue, but i said a few of those things to him. i mean, he admits to liking that i text him cute things randomly, and that i tell him and show him how much i love him. i asked him why he wasnt the guy i met at brick oven. i told him i fell inlove with an amazingly sweet guy that wanted to spoil me. and now, that guy is not even miles within me. my moms knows i love her, but she likes to be shown and to hear it. i told him thats the same way relationships work. i asked him why he even dated me. he said "i dunno, but i like you, i really like you a lot. i love you." and that made me happy cause he looked me dead in the eye and i could tell he meant that. i dunno, i dunno if it was the challenge cause i had a boyfriend or what it was. but the guy i fell inlove with, isnt the same guy i still say i love you to. and i know he loves me, i know he does. but i need more than just knowing something i dont feel all the time. i havent given up yet, but im not sure if i should or not. even during those times when i dont feel like he deserves a good morning sweet text from me or my good attitude i put it out there for him anyway. i give him my absolute best.

he has it good because any guys i know would kill to call me theirs. any guy would be willing to be with me in a heartbeat. and josh has me and takes advantage of it all. there are guys out there who want to give me their all and put all oftheir love into me. josh just doesnt understand that ya know? im afraid if we ever broke up it'd be because his friends encouraged him to. and ya know what? im almost 90% sure he'd come back to me because im sooo good to him, and he will never find another girl who gives him what i give him and not complain.

things just really frustrate me to the core, i dont want to give up on him and us, but im getting really burnt out. i hope things get back to the way they were. i wish something would happen to make him see what he has and what we have together.

"What happened to that guy I used to know?

I just want us back to the way we were before.

Do i turn you on at all when i kiss you, baby?

Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?

Do i have your love? Am i still enough?

Tell me don't i? Or tell me do I baby?

Give you everything that you've ever wanted?

Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?

Do i just need to give up and get on with my life?

Baby, do i?"