Okay. God really dealt with my heart today. And I kind of know what He's saying but I don't want to admit it. First off, me and Zach. I've been really lying to myself lately about us. At first, we kissed and it was cute..etc. But before me and him started dating...before me and Graham, I promised God I would never kiss until my wedding day, and I would remain pure until my wedding day. Not half-way pure. All the way. And I've beeb lying to myself telling myself it wasn't really a promise. I was too young to make such promises...My lie. I'm not saying Zach is the cause of my failure, or he is a problem. But I feel guilty when I talk to God, and I've been praying "Lord, what's in the way of me and You being close" And tonight He showed me that was it. It's my fault too. Okay, don't get me wrong. If you think I don't like the physical side of me and Zach's relationship, you're wrong. I do. I love it. Trust me. I think the physical side is really cute...but shouldn't there be a line drawn? And I'm not saying me and Zach have had sex or anything like that. We have not. Not even close. We've only kissed. But sometimes, even just playing around, we might be getting too physical. And once again, it's my fault. I have hormones dude And when those come into play...I know I'd do more with Zach if there was a chance we could. Not sex either okay. But just more than kissing. And this may not be for everyone, but for me, it can be an issue. My Dateable book talks a lot about stuff like this. Like, how will I feel once me and Zach break up? And he's doing the stuff me and him do with another girl? That's gonna kill. So, I'm thinking "If we stop with just kissing, maybe it won't hurt as bad." That's another thing. Kissing. Remember what I said ^ up there about how I promised God I woulnd't kiss until my wedding day? Well, I've kind of ruined that now so should we stop or keep doing it? Honestly, I don't want to stop. I la la love kissing Zach. I'm going to let him be the man and make that desicion. -sigh- Zach, when you read this....don't think I hate you...or whatever like that...But I think we just need to set some boundaries so if there's ever a chance something could happen we know where to stop. I promise I don't wanna be mean...but I really want to follow God, and right now, I feel like this is what's on my heart. I guess I'll tell you my boundaries. Holding hands, hugging, etc. It's all cool with me. Kissing? Is fine. But I don't think we should be as touchy as we are sometimes...Atleast in school anyways because I really don't want to get in trouble. Zach, don't get me wrong when I say this because I don't want it to make you feel....unimportant. But in mine and yours relationship, I want to honor our future spouses. I want to honor your future wife. Which means I don't want to pressure..or tease you into anything that you should save for her and not me. You should want to do the same for my future husband. Does that make sense? I hope it does, because Zach, I love you. You're my best friend, and boyfriend too, and you make my life so interesting. I'm really glad things turned out the way they did. We just need to keep things out in the open [mainly my fault] Okay, well I hope you understand this. I love you Zach.