So, i feel like everything was okay. I mean, we were still "friends" with some benefits...and even though i didnt like that, i'd be okay with it because i didn't want to lose him in any way, and i didn't want to hurt him. Well that all went down the drain today.

For the past few days, he says were still dating and what not and i've been saying no, we arent. Well today. He gets in my car. And he says " Let me read your phone." I refused to let him. We're not dating. After like 20 seconds of arguing he grabs me and starts trying to get my phone and i yelled "STOP!" And he starts screaming at me and throws my car door open and slams it shut so hard the whole car shook and hes standing outside my car screaming at me and people are like walking by like they dont even see anything. Like what the fuck people, i could be getting kidnapped and raped and you'd walk by trying not to "interfere" Fuck you! Anyways...apparently, after that, he walked into school punching the walls and started bleeding and broke his hand? As he is driving himself to the er he is texting me how much he hates me, fuck me. Like over texts on my phone, he breaks his hand..but fuck me if i EVER even so much as glare at him. He's like "My mom is blocking your number." I wanted so badly to say "Okay, let your mommy take care of you like she has been for the past 18 years." But i said okay? I dont care! I didn't break your hand, or do this to you, you did! It aint my fault. Anyways, that was the end of that. He apparently caused a scene in school or something and people were asking me what was up. Like i know?

Anyways, i knew this would happen. I do not want to be with TC. It'd be best if he was out of my life and by him trying to keep me to himself while were NOT dating and trying to talk to other girls was not working, and it was just making it harder. There was no way we could be friends at all. It was either going to be all or nothing. And nothing was what i was leaning towards. And NOW FINALLLLYYY!! He is officially out of my life. I didn't want it to be on this term, but if he's out then i dont care. I just wnt to focus on the good things. Like Josh. Like work and my friends. I won't take the breakup as bad as he will. He will fuck every girl he can, get wasted and drink and smoke whatever. I won't take it as bad. I'm already moving on. He'll dwell on it and do things out of spite. But he's not hurting me. He's only hurting himself and starting out his future really bad. Which for his well being i feel bad about.

Enough of that. I have a lot of guys ready to beat his ass. All my guys are back! I can finally talk to them without hiding it. Kris of course still wants to be with me lol. But its so good to be talking to him again. I miss him! And nicolas! TC hated him. But he was a really good friend, and i'm glad he's back too. I got to see him last night when i went to church with him. He's got my back, this whole situation makes him so angry. As it does josh and kris.

I'm going to get back all the old things that meant a lot to me. Possibly tiffani. I've been meaningto text her, but ifeel like shes kinda...moved on. I'll see what i can do. I bet she a fuckin nut happy that me and tc are over. I think everyone is! I made the best decision. And everyone agrees. I know i'm a lot stronger than most girls my age. Thank god.

I'm so excited for this weekendddd!!

Tomorrow night me, Josh, Han, and Cam are gonna eat at Mi Pueblo. That's at 5. We'll prolly find something to do and then josh isg onna come home with mee. Since all that shit with his car i offered to drive!!! :D Yayyyyy! Then!! Saturday, at 1:45 were going to see Daybreakers. And im sure we'll find something to do until that night. And he may or may not come over.

Me and josh kissed tuesday night. Omg it took forever lol. I kept backing away. He'd put his hand under my chin and stuff. And then finally he just like held my head and peck kissed me. Then that kinda broke the ice and so finally we could kisssss:) Its really weird. When me and tc kissed i kissed him upper lip. But josh kisses my upper lip so i kiss him bottom. It's kinda weird for meeee. But hes a goooood kisser! And by the end of the night we kissed 4 times in a row:) Aasioyraobnsf! :)

I'm so ready for this weeeeekend!

Anyways, i'ma take some more NyQuil and hit the bed again. Hopefully i will a lot better tomorrow.

<3