pity

by ruinmytears
Listening to: jewel
Feeling: awkward
today i was happy to be me,tho i lost a friend the night before,this person i did not know long but was interested in hearing what her words sound like ,trying to imagine her hurting one that i love. i do not put the blame on you, there are two sides of every story,I understand the shit you went though, i can see how you would wish for him back,but its my turn to be happy to know that someone wonderful loved me, for once he is real and im not letting go ...I wish to be your friend,but you are hurting and you thought you had my fooled i knew all along you still cared i could read it in your eyes.. And yes it hurt when i couldnt even say hi to you when we were out in public, i turned so i wouldnt see your fake smile trying to cover the scars that will never heal...but honestly laura i was about to say hey whats up to you and i didnt even know that was varina, im osrry but you did say you didnt want to be my friend so why you saying hi now i dunt understand...And it when you said "Hes the love of your life"cuz hes the love of my life .i dont mean to sound bitchy
Read 3 comments
sonya, I never said I didn't want to be friends with you. you're an awesome girl, I have no prob with you. You twisted everything i said. I'm happy for you and Jared, you're both happy with each other. I never lied to you, i lied to myself. This isn't about you Sonya, it's about me. I can take care of my feelings by myself. ...It's just not about you, don't make it about you, you're only hurting yourself
continuing...He WAS the love of my life. Everything is in the past. I dont want him back, it would never work. Sonya, until you know me, the real me, inside and out, then you'll never understand my side and my scars and my healing. Be there for yourself and care for the relationship you have not based on mine, or his past, but on the future you 2 have ahead.
If it's about the past, then you and him have nothing to grow on.
I dont dwell on our relationship, i dwell on the love that was created between 2 people. That was a strong bond, he was there for me when i was in the depths of the the worst depression of my life. Always there to hold me up, thats what i dwell on. I'm just disappointed that we can't get past that and be friends. The past is the past, I got past it, asked God to forgive me and I continue to pray for strength for all of us to get past this.