this entry is me pretending to talk to a dad or a mother. i call you up and talk try to get things sorted out. but your there on the other end. there but not. and you interupt... to say your busy. its been it 9 days since my birthday. and i still have not. got to see you. you are my mother. you are the one that gave me life. and now i cant stand to be in yours.

the Silence kills me and i have never heard silence so LOUD!. i held it all in for years and years. and now the family i once thought i had has turn to dust. this is looking like i have nothing. to hold on to. but you see this has been happening to long. i just had someone to distract me with all the beautiful things, here int his world to distract me. and now i wish i had him holding me when i cried, spoke with anger in his voice. because. someone made his baby cry...

Next Chapter:

he was and is nothing. here iam stand alone. wishing he would see how i can i can NEVER love him*

my heart is beating on me like a drum* and when i kiss you and i know it over and never really was anything. you thought you had it all and i knew i had nothing speacial, and when she is there im not afriad to say what im going to say. Im not what you think i want toi be bad. i want to have a kiss that taste like a sweet victory in the bedroom.!