the hate infects me, the beer triwls down my throat his words just made me choke foggy thoughts hide in my mind i pretend im not there sick of waiting sick of crying i hate her selfish acts and one day may her glory fade away and all she will have is me iw ill looik the other way but with guilt stuck in my foggy thoughts. ive always wonder...why do they all leave me i sit here alone thinking iam my own worest enemy. i ponder and wish i had a dad who'd take me fishing buy me ice creama nd look at me with tears in his,cus he is proud of me i wonder did he everthink of me his little girl. or was it all just for fun with my mom she was a nothign and never will be until she had me. she is mom who id glorify it shes love me unconditionially. i close my eyes and the hurt bunrs my chest and i begin to be depressed. im in a crowd of people smileign laugh filled ectsay..no remorse yet i stand still thinking why am i here my heart is lost and why should i breath another day when hes the one who took my last beat away from me. im filled with fear he wants me yet i want him more i wonder does he like me for me or what iam?? i have lust iw ant to givce to you but thats too brave for me yet i want too soo badly iw ant to be in your arms and hear your heart beat but im far too senitive . i know people who like to try and fool others make themselves feel better i knew this boy who'd sit int eh corner reading his fantasy books with dirty blond curly hair and its not like girls wouldnt talk to him, they would. but they for surely couldnt see what he could offer them so they walked away fromt he most amazing human being i know to this day yet gets shallow and be-littles himself and iw onder why does he want to go twriling down when he was aolmost at the top. i fell i nlove this boy and became attached to him never want to leave his side cus ive never been showen what its like to have someone care eversince that winter i ahvnt been the same, yes he was justa boyfriend and theres many on the list but he was different. but as i look at him now a days he is fading washing away/ the innocence is gone from both of us. i just wish i could see his reasonings why he wants to fail was it me who made you feel this way, no i think to myself no way it couldnt be hes smarter than that. i just wonder about my best friend who never sasy another when im ranting and raving sometimes would be nice if he could say something back.