I just had a shower. i hate them. mostly because i hate the feeling afterward. like being in a hot shower then steeping out into the cold. yet, while i am in the shower i can feel free. anything is real. I love fanaties. i wish they could come true. but if they were people would still want more. it's like the more people give, the more people take. that is why i usually keep to myself. i don't want anymore broken hearts or shattered dreams. Every guy i have ever loved, never loved me back, so is it love i was feeling? or was it just a deep want for something i could never have. I have one really good guy friend. he is the best, i had feelings for him breifly, he has gone out with 2 of my best friends, but when i asked him out i got the "i want to stay friends" line, which really means " you are not attractive to me, but i can be your friend because i will never like you" I like to dream, i like to sleep. i hate waking up. if i could i would sleep the whole week and wake up on friday night. the go back to sleep on sunday night. i really don't want to wake up tomorrow morning. i don't want to go to school because i know what is ahead of me. i will wake up feeling like shit. get on the bus and sit on the 3rd seat to the left, too afraid to sit further back, and too afraid to sit further up. then i will get off the bus. go to my locker, where my friend giselle will be waiting for me. she will say hi how are you and i will mutter something like hi fine. then the bell will ring i will go to my tech class where i will sit on the computer and fuck around pretending i know what to do. then i will go to french, say my speech and look like a total jackass in the process. then i will go to lunch with my friend mark and cate. we will sit there in the caff for 40 mins talking about nothing. then i will get my ass to science where i will sit for 75 mins scribbling shit down and watching the assholes in my class act like fucks. then i will go to math, where my teacher will hand out the test i did on friday, i will look at the grade, probably failed and copy down the lesson, then i will go to my locker and get my shit ready and go to my bus and come home.