This week has been really weird. I missed Weds and Thurs. I know it was probably dumb to miss two days in a round. But I mean I wanted to help my mom with my sister yesterday and I didn’t want my mom to hurt her shoulders. She is very sore. I have a lot of respect for her, even if I don’t show it all the time. Well, I am at school today, it was weird because that lady in the attendance office who was such a bitch to me last time I was late, was all nice to me, saying “are you feeling better? Well if you need anything my door is always open” I wonder if she was just being pissy before, or maybe she got yelled at. Maybe she heard about my sister’s accident. I don’t know why people act the way they do. I wish I did. My novel I have been writing is 12003 words, I started it 3 weeks ago, is that progress? I don’t know. I miss my brother. I thought he was going to be back n July, but it turns out he is coming back during August. That is shitty. My sister has been staying at my house since the accident, which I believe is the best thing. She brought her cat because she stayed another night. I am happy, I love that misbehaved cat. My bunny Keano is upsetting me because he always runs from me. I know he’s still a baby, it just hurts because Hunter never did that. I had a fight with my mom last night. Like seriously in the middle of the night at like 1. Then I starting crying and I couldn’t stop. It is a blur. I have to volunteer tonight. I hope it is a slow night. Last week, I had so much fun. This YMCA thing is so incredibly rewarding. And I get a free membership and job possibilities. It’s only 8:45. Man I hope this class goes fast. I wish I was sleeping. I hope to God that my friend is here. I have lunch with him and the other people I have lunch with are ok. Just really boring, you know? My life has gotten really boring. Things are always the same. There is never any excitement. I am just glad school is almost over, except, EQAU testing is soon. I can’t believe we have stupid government tests in grade 9 and in my worst subject MATH! Wait.. every subject is my worst subject! I wonder what my mother is doing? And I wonder how my sister is feeling. These 2 girls just got up and left the class and my idiot teacher hasn’t even noticed they are gone. He is such an asshole idiot. All he does is sit on the computer and got next door to talk to the other teacher. Jesus asshole, pay attention. Omg I can be such a bitch. I am really bitter sometimes. Isn’t that horrible? I guess I am just sick of people. I am sick of people walking all over me, or ignoring me. Or treating me like a puppet. It is just really annoying. I hope this day goes by fast, and I hope I don’t have to explain my sister’s accident and me not feeling well to every single teacher. I would feel like I am whining. I told my French teacher because she saw me in the hall and asked me. I told her I didn’t feel well on weds and that my sister was in a car accident, and I helped my mom take care of her because my mom’s arms are weak. She gave me a sympatric look and said that I have a lot on my plate. This is the same teacher that thought I was writing a note and took it and read it “in her head” and really it was a poem I had began to write. There were only 2 lines about a girl trapped in society and her imperfections are amplified and stuff, so she rubbed my back and told me to write in French. lol. There is only 20 more minutes of class left. Then onto crappy French. I hope my friend is here, because of the lunch thing, and also I have to tell him about my sister’s accident. His sister is like friends with my sister. This entry is really long. I am writing in it in a word document before pasting it in my diary. I don’t know why, just felt like doing it this way. It’s 9 right now. I can’t believe how slowly this class goes. Holy ! It feels like I have been in here forever. Maybe it is worst because I am dwelling on it. I can’t wait to get home, I will watch Dr Phil, then I will get ready to go to the YMCA. I wonder if my sister will come and keep my mom company. I hope so, I kind of hope so. I wish I had of been in that car. I wish a lot of things. But wishing is a waste of time. Wishes never come true for people like me. Prayers give you a better feeling then wishes do. I used to pray a lot. When I was scared or before I started to panic about someone. I prayed about keeping my family save or making sure the storm past by quickly, or praying that the lights would come on if the power went out. These prayers were answered, my family would be ok, the storm would past, and the lights eventually came back on, but then I would pray that my dad would get the job, or that he could pay the bills. These kinds of prayers never were answered. Money is a horrible thing, especially when you don’t have it. It is a horrible feeling knowing that you might not be able to buy groceries, or pay the electricity bill. I feel horrible for my dad. He’s job is lousy and he is paid crappy and then he has to support a family. I am still a jerk to him. I am an idiot, I never really show my emotions. Fear turns to anger, sadness turns to anger. Anger is an easy way out. Less painful then crying or being scared.