i think i have to break up with him. i think i do. i mean, i deserve more then that. right? i just wish i didn't like him so much. then it would be easier. but i dont want to break up with him! i like him so much, and he's the only guy who's actually wanted to be my boyfriend. but i mean, lately he acts like he doesnt. so what the fuck. i dunno. and then he bails out on me AGAIN. fucking asshole. just break up with me if you don't want to be with me. i just don't know. his sister invited me to another one of her parties, but i dont know. i mean, does she want me to come, or does he? there is a difference. I am sick. i have strep throat. and i've prolly had it since the beginning of the month, because i've been sick since then. Giselle's gone. so i'm all by myself, because she's my only friend of course. part of me doesnt want to go to that party, because, i just dont want to. but part of me wants to go, and just get so fucking smashed i forget my fucking name. forget his name. forget my life. forget everything. I have the meeting on the 8th. oh gawd. i feel like shit. i really do. i just. omfg. here comes the tears again. i skipped out on the self harm seminar. i got scared. i mean, it's not even that bad anyway. well...that's it for now. if i type anymore..i'll have a break down..and i dont need another one of those.. ------------------------------ & pens and penknives take the blame Crane my neck & scratch my name But the ugly marks Are worth the momentary gain...