fuck i hate this. i hate him. stupid asshole. why does he have to take my heart on such an emotional roller coaster. i hate him. he should be fucking perfect, i should be fucking happy but i'm not. i'm lonely and jealous. why the fuck can't i have anything. why the fuck can't he treat me that way. fucking assholes. i wish i didn't care. i really do. why doesn't he want to do these nice things for me? why doesn't he want me like fucking my friend's boyfriend wants her. makes me fucking sick. i'm sick of not being able to have any fucking thing. i have a date. so does she. i have a boyfriend. so does she. and i know that mine won't fucking last, so what the fuck? i think i'm going to have to do it. i think i'm going to have to kill myself. what's the point of living if i'm uncapable of being happy? i even wrote a suicide note. here it is. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stand the fact that no matter what I did, I wasn’t happy. Even when I should have been. I wasn’t happy. So what was the point of being alive if you can never be happy. Don’t be sad. it’ll get better. the hurt will disappear, that is, if you hurt. This was all for the best. I promise. I don’t know where I’ll be going. I don’t know. But if I can, I will watch over all of you. I’m sorry you had to find me like that. I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t make that big of mess. I love you all so much. but I couldn’t be happy, and , these standards that no one could reach, just made me so fucking alone, but I couldn’t help it. I knew that this would fix a lot of conflicts around here. Mom can get a job. Dad doesn’t have to feel so trapped and tied down by my spending habits. I won’t cause anymore problems with stephanie, and scott doesn’t have to have the burden of me anymore. Please don’t cry. I’ve cried enough tears for us all. I just hope that everyone can find peace without me to destroy it. I’m just too fucked up to live anymore. Sam. If I took my life tonight, chance are that I might Mutilation out of sight and I'm contemplating suicide