Another entry time! I talked to him today. he said he likes me. he said that distance would be a problem. but i asked him to hang out again this upcoming weekend. i hope things work out, man, i'm so scared. i'm scared of getting hurt, or getting lead on. i'm just scared. I finished my french essay like 40 minutes ago. lol it took me like 3 hours to do, but add msn and phonecalls. lol. i talked to him on webcam for a really long time. i hate thinking about him so much. GRR. get the fuck out of my head. I shud be getting into bed. but i'm not even tired. i'm just weird like that. I can't ever go to sleep early. lol I have to babysit tomorrow, and do a whole project that is due tomorrow, but i had to do my essay. i've been having urges to cut again. like extremely strong urges, i even made a couple little cuts just to tide me over. i really need to get another razor. a sharper fucking one. but my mom hid the fucking razors. AHH. i nnnneeeeeeeeeeedddd to do it again. AHH! real bad. god, i'm fucked up. what makes me feel better but cutting into my self with a razor or broken mirror pieces. wow you know your cool when. i feel like an asshole. like a complete fuck. i need to fix this, but then again, i don't want too. but it's starting to get in the way of things. pfft. oh fucking well. i best start cutting the shoulder again, cuz summer's coming. My eyes are hurting. ouch ouch. i got new clothes this weekend. much needed pants. 3 new pairs. some wikked shoes, even if they are some unknown brand, a tank top thing, and sunglasses. lol. i wore my tank top when i was on webcam, and ryan was like clevage. lmao. i blushed harcore. what else to say? i have to babysit tomorrow and wednesday. There was suppose to be this thing @ giselles house this weekend, but she thought it was friday, and i thought it was saturday. so it's a no go. like it was like a double date thing. but no more. i think that ryan and me are still going to hang out, i hope so, and i think giselle might tag along for some of it, but im SO scared that he's going to fall for her. man when i thought Shane had, b4 i realized his more friend type, it broke my heart. i hope that doesnt happen. and i don't wanna keep her away from him cuz i know she doesnt do it on purpose, she's just likable and pretty and skinny. grr. everything i'm not. I love that girl thou. she's amazing. she feels like home. i'm so secure around her. that's why i get so upset sometimes with her, or about her. but man i'd be fucking dead without her. even all the bullshit that has happened. she's the best thing that's happened in my miserable lil life. i hope that doesn't sound creepo. well, i guess that's it for now. your best you tried, and yeah you did fine no better than fine, perfect in my mind in fact, i wish your heart was mine