I've been lacking in writing on here. i don't wanna to ignore this diary. i feel like absolute shit. i've got that appointement with the nurse next week. i dont even know what to say. "hi my name is samantha and i am incapable of being sasifisted with what i like" or "hi i'm samantha, i can't stand to be alone, oh and i think a proper way to calm myself is by cutting my arm" Wow. i'm cool. I don't know how things are going with ryan. i'm worried he's embarassed of me, or bored of me. i mean how could anyone even like me? He must me using me, or leading me on. why else would he not make a move, and why else would he continue with these bullshit excuses of why he can't spend time with me. yet everytime i talk to him, he makes me feel so good. he makes me feel loved, even beautiful. god. i am so not beautiful. but he has this way. god i dont even know. I'm totally going to fucking fail french and science. i'm screwed. fuck fuck. I don't even know what i'm doing. Summer school also scares the shit out of me. i don't know how it works. i'm going to be stuck in a fucking course with a bunch of asshole retards. I'll quit if people piss me off too much. fuck this. I am so tired lately. like i feel like i'm going to fall over. i need some rest. but now everytime i sleep in, i wake up and i feel like shit. like i'm achey and my neck hurts and my leg hurts. and fuck. i dont know. Well, this is it for me. i'm going to lay down, and hopefully sleep and not wake up. If I could tell you one thing Then I'd tell you everything I'd probably say that you've been on my mind Since we held hands out in the rain