fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i just fucked things up on this damn diary. the stupid video won't load. damit. i always seem to screw things up. i want to change the backround of this, but it's a really big hassle, so i'll just keep it as it is. my head hurts like a mother fucker. stupid thing. lol JACOB HOGGARD IS A Sellout bastard. he ditched his old band but kept the names and songs, and started a new one. yeah. fame got to him. but he is going to toronto and i WANT to go. tix are only 10$$. so i really want to go. i REALLY do. fuck i won't. just like i prolly won't get green day tickets cuz it's me and nothing works out. i bruised up my arm yesterday. i was upset just i just fucking bashed my chain on it and now it's all bruised. then i got in a fight with my mother which ended with me putting a knife to my thoart. yeah i'm fucked. [stupid people suck.] there it is. my scrapbook. ahh how i love it. i mean, yeah so what if i'm totally crazy. at least i'm good at hiding it when it matters. i knew i couldn't last 3 months. man i should be dead right now. My father blamed me for being so behind in his work. it's not my fault that i'm fucking outta my mind. My mom thinks i want to be this way. yeah fucking right. so a 27 yr old, invited me to hang out with him on sat and drink. i said i couldn't cuz i just met him. haha. i should of went. i just don't know. but yeah he looks his age and is icky, but he prolly has a car, maybe money and access to booze. haha. i'm a loser, this coming from a girl who's had alcohol twice in her life. speaking of alcohol, i found some in my cabinet. haha. *evil thoughts* i'm over ryan. fucking guys. i hate them. i mean seriously, i just liked him cuz i thought that he liked me. but he doesn't he likes this fucking girl names nicole fucker. Melissa got a pic of kalan holding my note!! :D:D:D:D:D. it is awesome. "i wanna touch your hair!" lmao. god i'm a loser. i bet he threw it away. I have science to do. i'll do it later. too lazy right now. fuck and i have alot to do too. and SHIT i need a new binder. ahhhh my other one is ripping the pages in it. I'm listening to country. haha. funny funny. i love it. I need to fucking talk to my friend. ahhh so much to tell. about jacob and the concert. lol. oh well. i need to stop being so dumb about her. we aren't best friends anymore. she doesn't call. she doesn't FUCKING care. jesus. she wants to be someone she isn't. i just want her to act like she wants to hang out.