I'm so effing lonely lately. i spend my whole night on the internet talking to strangers. for what? no reason. boredom. loneliness. it seems like no matter what i do i'm just always feeling the same thing. like everything is one big emotion, just different faucets of it. i dont know. i dont seem to care anything. fighting with my sister, and i dont care. she can hate me. i wouldn't be bothered. she can fucking tear me apart. calling me crazy is like calling me red headed. it's a part of me. doesn't hurt. the words they can get under your skin. they can crystalize under there like meth. but right now, i'm numb. i just don't feel it. The only person who could hurt me right now would be Ryan. Giselle has before, i'm used to it. but he is my friend. i don't think i could handle him telling me the replusion of myself. it'd be the straw that broke the camel's back. Anyway. i hate the internet sometimes. i hate how the only time i feel appreciated. the only time i feel loved, is when i'm online. i'm not talking about gross things either. i'm not a whore. jesus. and anytime a person tries to do that i make fun of them which usually leads to a slew of swears, which again i have become accustom too. I'm not sure what to do. I love Brand New. their lyrics are insane and beautiful. and amazing. wow. anyway back to earth. i'm bored. lonely fucked sad name it. i'm it i'm like bi-polar. i just wanna be anything that would make you care but i doubt that will ever happen. i doubt i will ever care again whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff but its the genie at the bottom who im sucking at he owes me one last wish so here's a present to let you know i still exist i hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips but i've got a plan i'll drink for 40 days and 40 nights a sip for every second hand tick and everytime you've fed the line you mean so much to me im without you