mood for another entry. i dunno why. just felt like it. the last entry was uberly depresso. i guess that's how i've been feeling. seems kinda overboard to go ahead and write the note. but i dunno. *shrugs. you never know. I'm just so angry about everything right now. like. i don't even want to type his name. i'm sure this diary is getting sick of it anyway. god i'm such a tool. and fuck. i have to volunteer tomorrow. fuck that. i don't even want to go. Claribel isn't there anymore on sundays. and she was the best. i swear i think i'm going to cancel that and ask to change it. like maybe i can start going after summer school. like 11- something, during the week. i just don't wanna lose the play room. cuz the babies are awesome. babies are adorable. they rock my socks. i can't wait until i can have a family. but of course, you have to be sane to take care of one, something i am not. I cut my mom's hair today. wow. what an adventure. i think it doesn't look that bad. hopefully. it's not like my mom cares. she says she likes it. but she's my mom. she'd probably say she likes anything. she's sweet that way. The "pool" party is next week. and i'm terrified. meeting his parents and sister. being in a room with such judgemental eyes. i can imagine what their gonna think. how he could do so much better. how replusive i am. then meeting his friends! even worse. i can't imagine why he'd want me to meet them. fuck. then staying over. i'm just scared. but i dunno. fuck fuck fuck. i need some reassurance. Science exam. i'm headed for a brusing. French already raped me. fuck. as long as i pass. that's how i gotta think about it. as long as i pass. and i have a 66. so i think no matter what, i can't fail. *crosses fingers.* well. that's it. (When this began) I had nothing to say And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me (I was confused) And I let it all out to find That I’m not the only person with these things in mind (Inside of me) But all the vacancy the words revealed Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel (Nothing to lose) Just stuck/ hollow and alone And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own