i am so sick of my family sometimes, jesus, my brother would rather shoot himself then play cards with me, my dad hates me. My mom at least tries. they are so ridculious. they are going to fuck rot in their rooms. my brother spends his life in his room with his girlfriend. i don't want to be like my sister, who was really mean to his old girlfriend, but its so stupid, its not that i don't like her, but why can he come out of there while i am home, it seems like whenever i am around he is down there. My dad spends his whole life in there, other then for supper and when he comes down to go to work. i mean fuck if they hate me so much i will fucking hang myself. at least then they came feel free to roam around. it fucking pisses me off My friend was suppose to call me, but i didn't except her too, shes full of broken promises. I went babysitting yesterday and got fucking ripped off. which fucking PISSES me off. fucking cheap bastard. 7 DOLLARS FOR TWO HOURS FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! i am so pissed off. think i am going to buy a sharper and take it apart. i need a razor, my mom through my other one away. my mom knows but doesn't want to. she has closed her eyes too it. maybe i need to make the cuts deeper. that way no one can ignore it. but i need to make the cuts higher on my arm. i started cutting really high on my arm. its easier to hide it there. I feel so incomplete. like god forgot something when he made me, like he forgot all of my heart. maybe i had it, but years of hell and self abuse has made it disappear. i can't remember the last time i was truly happy, and at peace with myself. it is too much for such a young heart to take. Fuck life. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck happiness, Fuck popularity, Fuck peace, Fuck love Fuck all those FUCKING lies. i wrote a suicide poem last night. it was really good. i was pleased with it. i didn't even realize what i was typing until it was on the page. which was really cool. Fuck this all i am is incomplete and i hate it