i think i am going to have to make this diary private. simply because i'm retarded and thought all that drama was behind me. but it's not. it's the same old thing. there for me, when i'm doing what she wants. using shit against me when i stand up to her. I really don't need this right now. seriously, i don't. what would she care if i actually left. fuck. she'd prolly not give a shit. only cares about herself I am so scared now. scared for my life. scared for his life. i just met him. but i mean, he was crying and there is nothing i can do since he is so far away. talking about killing some kid? god, please tell say it was only the alcohol in him and the lack of sleep. fuck i don't need to lose someone and not even know he's gone. and maybe it's just a fucking ploy to excuse himself from my life. i don't know. i wish i did. I'm just sick of this whole thing. i want to get out of this...i don't know...fuck therapy. will that actually work, when i'm already so messed up. "Just go or fuck off about it?" oh sure. she'd love that. because then, what? she thinks she can move back. never. never ever. she's ruined that possiblity a long time ago. Hypocrite. maybe i fucking am. i don't care. and neither should you, because you aren't in my god damn life anymore. that's it. i've put up with so much shit from you. and i am done with it. i swear i am. i swear. I've gone through quite a bit myself. stuff i had no control over. stuff like seeing my whole family falling apart. stuff like feeling so trapped and black out. stuff like cutting into my fucking arm and not even shedding a tear. sure. you will prolly pick this whole thing apart. melodramatic. superficial cuts. i don't give a shit. you've never been me. you've never understood. you've hated me since i was born. You'd be in a lot of trouble if i were to speak. but i won't. not that kind of person. nope. there's no point. it's not a threat either. Jealous sucks balls. here i go. waste pills. waste razors. waste air. waste. waste. waste. Have Another Drink And Drive Yourself Home. I Hope There's Ice On All The Roads. And You Think Of Me And Forget Your Seatbelt. And Again When Your Head Goes Through the Wind Shield.