Right now, life is so messed up. i wish that i could change everything. i hate like having to cut her out of my life, but right now, there's just too much drama. i mean, i can't deal with her, and the way she is acting. i hate living in such a chaotic environmment. we are dirt poor and have no fucking money to even buy me clothes, somehow i turn into the bad guy and it's a blowout. Jesus Christ. i hope that he's not using me. Jesus, i hope not. he said he'd never do that. and i guess i believe him. i mean, i have too right? or else i'll just close myself off again like i have b4. Can't happen. I can't wait until this weekend. Sami's getting trashed. nice. it's going to be awesome. i think the sluts, again, girls (again, im a bitch) invited some guys thou, so that means binge drinking for sam. fuck them. they get guys, i should get more booze, it's just fair. I'm not sure what i'm going to do. god. i have so much i should be doing, but meh, i just can't deal with all this right now. I'm feeling very gothic today. just pissed off. so i got my blackest makeup up on. i'm a geek face, i know it, but hey, makes me feel bad ass...leave me alone. i just dont know what to do. man. btw. it wasn't just seeing my family fight. it was seeing my sister hit my mom, my dad. my brother and sister fight. having to call the cops on them, going to skool with a massive bruise. losing every single best friend i've ever had. being forgotten. cutting myself like a pussy. trying to fix myself without help. feeling so incredibly alone, but not able to be. so yeah, people have worst lives, but this is my life, and i'm just trying to handle it.