This week was good. Pretty much a waste. All of my friends are fighting with this huge slut that used to be our friend. fuckin girl drama. It was all good. i was actually very happy. up until like an hour ago. Giselle was over for a while and now i feel like absolute trash. he likes her. fucking asshole. i hate hate hate hate him i DONT EVEN KNOW HIM! jesus. the reason he doesnt like me is obvious. giselle is small..skinny..and i'm not. and it's very very reconizable when i'm beside her. which means, he wants to fuck her, even though he's in england, he's still found a way to hurt me. i am going to call him on it. which might end with him calling me names. which meh, i guess i can handle. I talked to Ryan on the phone for 2 whole hours. it was so...undescribeable. i hate him for being like he is. i hate that he is so sweet to me..i hope i am growing on him..i hope that one day he will like wake up and be like fuck it..i dont care how you look..keep on dreaming sammer. Anyway, he told me he doesn't like nicole so much anymore. *smiles* but he said he doesn't like anyone *frowns* he said he is getting his drivers next june, not this june. *smiles* but then he has to go to peterbourgh to see his whore caitln *frowns, then simply cries* i'm a lost cause. this whole love/like thing for me, is a lost cause. Giselle feels bad, but i bet she likes it. i swear. i wish i wasn't so easily tore down. but i mean, i flipped out when i first met him. told her i was going to marry this boy, lmao, i know he's in england. but he was just so cool. but now like, he likes her. blah. fuck this. i hate everything. i wish i could just fucking fall off this earth. The only thing i'm good for with shane, is a way for him to talk to her. i wish i was dead. just fucking cut me out of this fucking world. No one would care. i know they might, act as if they do. but they will know, it's the best thing. I'm sitting here. literally, fighting tears. I've lost something in my life. look where i am? back to what i was when stef still lived here. back to all this. man. i am going backwards. where the fuck is that "head doctor" i thought it was 3 more weeks! i dont even know when that was. feels like a long time again though. -Left Over Life-Left Over Love- -Lost Friends-Lost Family- -Broken Heart-Closed Mouth- -Scared-Alone- -Tell Me How That's Living.- I dont know what to do. i'm so mad @ every fucking thing. every thing. every little thing. so mad. so fucking pissed off. I wish just one thing could go right in my life. it's like every good thing ended up fucking up. want an example? ok --The fucking launch. we go. i get tickets. we meet Rick Campenilli..Everyone of them gets something. Everyone of them got a good signature, like the actual signing of the name. I didn't. Not a good memory. --Getting the Green Day tickets. Spent like 3 hours crying because my sister didn't want to come and i wanted her too..finally convinced her. After Green Day...she makes a comment and now i'm not talking to her. --Meet great guy. he likes friend. Get an idea of my life? it's one disappointment after another. and even the good stuff i can't enjoy. jesus fucking christ. i want to just disappear. far away from all this complications. fuck i just want someone to talk too...someone to help me..fuck... Can we lay again..On two separate beds..Riding phone lines..