I havent written a real entry in ages. A lot has happened since my last entry. i got my hair cut, short. to my shoulders which is a HUGE change considering how long my hair was before. Now its layered and i FIANLLY got BLACK TIPS! i am so happy with it. My friend Ursula took a pic of me and when she gets it to me, i will post it on the site. Anyway, my friends weren't there today so i spent my lunch in the library with this girl i know named Charolette. She is in my science class Anyway, My brother called from B.C last night. he sent me an email too. i was so happy to hear from him. Things have been crazy lately. I am getting so emotionally tired of this life. and so mentally tired of putting up with this shit. i feel like i am carry this weight, and i am too afriad to put it down, so i just want to give up. Soon my shoulders will crumble from the weight, and my knees will buckle from the pressure. I found a Sarah McLachlan cd. i love her voice. Music always calms me down. I never never felt more useless. i am failing school, social life is shit, i have a couple of friends who don't notice how i really feel. Family life is fucked, the only person that gave me that wanted to understand me is 3 provinces away. I want to do something drastic, but i am a coward. Maybe i should tell someone, i know this sounds horrible, but i need some attention right now, so maybe if i tell them how i feel then they will notice me, i doubt it though, they will just give me false hope then run away and never look back. Things are getting way to difficult. Mark is drifting away, i can feel it. Hopefully it is just in my mind, it just feels like he doesn't even notice me anymore. Like Cate has fucking moved in on my position as best friend. Maybe i am imagining it, maybe i was imagining our friendship was that tight. i am just so confused. Giselle is alright, she is just very carried away in her own stuff, which is understandable i guess. I just feel like a burden to her all the time. I feel like i am the pity friend. The one she can't get rid of. I am SO incrediably sick of 3rd lunch. Other then Mark, it is shit. I am missing out on so much. I have a party to go to, but the girl invited some grade 11 boys. i don't want to be around them, i always feel so left out. I am so insecure whenever i am around boys especially older boys. Everything is fucking up. Great this cd is FUCKING up!