well i'm just a big ball of insecurity and depression today. i don't know why. i'm stewing in it and i'm not being a very good friend right now, but what can i do. maybe shut up. and i really should. i should be silenced. i feel like a good long cry right about now, but the tears just aren't there. when's the last time i really cried. maybe when i had those pills in my hand and i was too stupid to take them before mom and dad came in. jesus christ what's wrong with me. i can't breathe, yet i can't stop. what's my problem. what am i suppose to do. every day feels like i wasted everyone's time. i mean, im a big joke.. a big mess of a joke. and i dont know what i'm suppose to do about it. i wish that i could just be happy. just smile and not worry about anything. just make other people happy. make them not have to worry about me. make them feel better. i hate this. i hate how no one understands, and no one ever will. i bring down everyone i know. i cant even think right now.