its strange, but in the past year or so ive been noticing that i think i have mild claustrophobia. im not one of those people that has to say to themselves "wide open spaces, wide open spaces" but i cant go under either of my beds or in the skinny part of my closet without feeling slightly panicked. i dont know why that is, ive never had that before, i was one of those kids who would go anywhere in the city museum (a huge indoor playground with a million things to climb on, it isnt an adult museum) and not care if i got stuck between the ceiling and whatever i was climbing on, but now i cant go in small places for a long time. i not really scared of the dark, but i do sleep with the light in the hall on, because i sleep wiht the fan on and if i hear something in my room move (usually just a paper blowing or something like that) then i want to know what it is. i am not afraid of death, but i am afraid of emotional pain, and being alone for long periods of time (usually i love being away from people for a few hours, gives me time to think) i am shy, and i have a fear of letting go and just yelling and screaming and talking to whoever. not really a fear i guess but yeah i am shy. not really a fear but i dont like staying in one place for a long time. i guess that could be running from my fears, travelling, but i love traveling, i was thinking the other day wondering how someone can be content to never leave the country that they were born in. how can you be alright with not knowing what is out there? i dont understand, i want to see it all, every mile of the planet, i want to see it. i want to go to the rainforest (that is NOT in hawaii)and on a safari and i want to go to the desert and i want to see europe and japan and go on a cruise to alaska. there is really only one place i dont want to see and that is antartica. i guess most of those places i will only see when i am dreaming. ive never been too into makeup and other stuff that only girls do, (i only wear eyeliner and mascara) but last night while my cousin was here she was doing a mask (yeah, one of the ones that make you look like an alien) so i decided i was bored and i would try it. ok, well i already had like normal skin. my skin is sooooo dry now, i never thought i would have to put lotion on my face, its crazy. im not worried about zits but about my face being so dry. i put that lotion that courtney gave me on it (that london stuff that came with the perfume) and it helped a lot...ahhh lol, kait i know if you read this you are laughin at me