And you rip me apart with the brutal things you say

Listening to: Mudshovel-Staind
mhmm, yeah. flexible me. not really, but today i was. there was a change of plans, and it was for the better. I've had a relatively good day i suppose. Tomorrow is going to be shit, but that's ok. i have to make up a geometry test that I cannot even remember what it was over, thanks to spring break. and i get to disect an earth worm. right before lunch. without a chance to wash my hands, thanks to whoever is having sex/smoking/drawing grafiti in the bathrooms at my school, and caused us not to be allowed in the hall except at passing time. i think its stupid. there are cameras in every hall. why not just look at the tape and see who was in the hall?? There are going to be record numbers of highschoolers that piss their pants this year. ah, i guess im overreacting. but you know, according to some, i am a fruitcake with problems. so i guess its my horrid mental state that is talking. someone, PLEASE, admit me to a mental hospital. Listening to:Serenity-Godsmack Ok, so I'm only gonna say this once. I don't want any friends who think/talk bad about me behind my back right now. So, if you have thoughts, please state them, rather than holding them back. Constructive criticism is a lot better than lies. We can still be friends if you speak your mind, it would be better in fact, because neither of us would have stuff held inside waiting to burst. So yes, speak, and if you don't I'm going to assume you have nothing to say about me to my face, and when you do later i may be rather pissed off i suppose. Again, my horrible mental state talking. Unstable Schizo. yep. thats me. and i officially dont like sluh. period. and i found out today that our school is the worst highschool in the district, test score wise. and that colleges look at that. so yeah, thats great. i love having other people drag me down. There is a full moon tonight, behind the clouds. I'm leaving the deck in order on my windowsill, like i'm supposed to. I really want to work at Barnes & Noble. Howboutthat. *Where do we go when we just don't know and how do we relight the flame when it's cold Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing And when will we learn to control?* not as pretty as in life. there arent any craters. but i havn't figured out my camera to the full extent yet, so oh well. ____________________________________ well, somehow even though i got no sleep, i have insomnia. sohere comes a load of surveys.
Last Cigarette::august
Last Alcoholic Drink::christmas break
Last Car Ride::today
Last Kiss::today
Last Good Cry::about 2 weeks ago
Last Library Book checked out::a little over two weeks ago, better get those turned in
Last Movie Seen in Theatres::dirty dancing havana nights
Last Book Read::well, i havnt finished one in a long time.now im reading to kill a mockingbird, the once and future king, the glass menagerie(for school) and a book about unsolved mysteries
Last Movie Rented::gothika
Last Cuss Word Uttered::shit
Last Beverage Drank::powerade (aid?)
Last Food Consumed::cookie
Last Crush::?? january? if you mean crush when you don't know if its mutual
Last Phone Call::this afternoon
Last TV Show Watched::oh wow. um...2 weeks ago? maybe?
Last Time Showered::yesterday
Last Shoes Worn::my good ole nikes
Last CD Played::weezer blue
Last Item Bought::book
Last Download::gosh...months ago. my dad freaked out and got rid of all the stuff, hes scared of the lawsuits
Last Annoyance::problems? fruitcake?
Last Disappointment::sluh won?!
Last Soda Drank::over spring break
Last Thing Written::diary entry
Last Key Used::y
Last Word Spoken::fine
Last Sleep::ah..a long time ago, and only 3 hours. :(
Last IM::tonight
Last Sexual Fantasy::ah, personal questions. only some people get to know the answers to that
Last Weird Encounter::define weird. i guess tonight
Last Ice Cream Eaten::few nights ago
Last Time Amused::at the game, there was this little boy running around in the bleachers, and screaming, and he smiled at me and made gibberish noises. toddlers are cute.
Last Time Wanting To Die::arg...months ago?
Last Time In Love::ahem
Last Time Hugged::tonight
Last Time Scolded::tonight
Last Time Resentful::today
Last Chair Sat In::my computer chair
Last Lipstick Used::when i was 5 and playing dress up
Last Underwear Worn::today
Last Bra Worn::today
Last Shirt Worn::today, what do you think everyone goes on the computer naked or something?
Last Webpage Visited::sitD

"Last" Survey brought to you by BZOINK!
What is your favorite..
gum:winterfresh
restaurant:hm. i dont go out to eat much. i guess the hard rock cafe in hawaii, because i cant remember anything
drink:smirnoff ice. and carbonated water.
season:i love them all too much to choose
type of weather:70 degrees, with a breeze, or raining/storming
emotion:contentness (is that a word?)
thing to do on a half day:relax or hang out with friends
late-night activity:computer, reading, writing
sport:baseball??
city:bad question. favorite city ive been to, i guess colorado springs. but there are a million cities i havnt been to.
store:the bookstore
When was the last time you..
cried:ah. few days ago i guess
played a sport:HAHA. second grade.
laughed:2 seconds ago
hugged someone:today
kissed someone:today
felt depressed:few weeks ago? not sure
felt elated:not sure what that is, but it sounds good.
felt overworked:right before break
faked sick:um...last year?
lied:oh god, dont even start wtih that
What was the last..
word you said:out
thing you ate:cookie
song you listened to:colorblind by counting crows
thing you drank:powerade
place you went to:anheiser busch soccer park for nathan's game
movie you saw:already answered
movie you rented:already answered
concert you attended:DAMNIT IVE NEVER BEEN TO A CONCERT. and i BETTER be going to korn this summer
Who was the last person you..
hugged:nathan
cried over:no comment, i dont want him to feel bad
kissed:nathan
danced with:nathan
shared a secret with:my mother
had a sleepover with:aleksandra
called:aleksandra
went to a movie with:aleksandra, kelsey, ben, jake
saw:my mother
were angry with:my mother (this afternoon)
couldn't take your eyes off of:ah. nathan.
obsessed over:i dont do that anymore, thanks
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:of course
kissed someone:see above
done drugs:not really. took a bit too many caffiene pills once i guess. when my parents came down in the morning i was babbling about the end of the world. i have no memory of that.
drank alcohol:yes
slept around:no
partied 'til the sun came up:yes
had a movie marathon:yes
gone too far on a dare:no?
spun until you were immensely dizzy:yes, its fun
taken a survey quite like this before:yes 5 minutes ago

The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!
The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?:i would if i had some in front of me i guess. i havnt in a long time.
Do you party a lot? How often?:not really
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?:no
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?:um... 0.5? i dont talk much
Do you skip classes? How often?:no
Do you have casual sex? Protected?:no
Do you steal?:no
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?:according to my mother, yes
Do you drool over celebrities?:NO. i dont get why people do that. oh well.
Do you watch a lot of TV?:no, barely any at all.
Do you ever watch the News?:yes, at night at dinner, my dad always has it on
Do you even care about world issues?:YES!! the world 100 years from now could be some hell, and it seems like barely anyone but me cares!
Do you read books often?:all the time
Are you failing a lot of your classes?:no
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?:not really
Do you smoke cigarettes?:no
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?:no
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?:not really, if you mean frequently changing
Do you cuss a lot?:average i guess.
Are you desperate to fit in?:NO. go away, conformists!
Are you intelligent?:yes, i guess
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?:no
Black eyeliner?:yes
Black eyeshadow?:no
Black trenchcoat?:no
Black boots?:no
Black fishnets?:no
Black nail polish?:i want some
Cigarettes?:no
Heavy metal music?:not really
Marilyn Manson?:no
Kittie?:no
Cradle of Filth?:no
Constant frown and perpetual angst?:ive heard i have a frown on a lot, but im not sure about angst. just concern over world issues.
Do you like to be seen as:intelligent? independent? unique?
Are you an intellectual?:yes
An atheist?:im not sure, at the moment
Horrible home life?:no
Hopelessly depressed?:no
Suffering with suicidal idealations?:no
Self-mutilation?:no
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?:no
Big black boots?:no
Mohawk?:no
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]:no
Loud, confident and opinionated?:opinionated. the voice in my head is loud and confident. does that count?
Wild hair colors?:no
NOFX?:no
Rancid?:no
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?:i guess not really
A:?
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?:varies when i take the online tests from high 130s to low 140s
Do you watch a lot of sports?:no
Play a lot of sports?:no
Talk a lot about sports?:no
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?:yes
Are you arrogant?:maybe
Are you a male or female whore?:no
Are you homophobic?:not really, a bit paranoid
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?:no
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?:no
Boobs = yes?:no
Parties = yes?:not really
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?:definitely not.
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?:no
Have you ever been on a diet?:yes
How much did you lose?:i think 2 pounds, but it was a short diet
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?:you tell me.
Make yourself throw up?:yes. and it had nothing whatsoever do to with the diet being acused of being an eating disorder.
Make-up?:eyeliner and mascara
Low-cut tops?:sometimes
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]:D
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?:well, if i do, i dont realize it. i dont think i do.
Giggle a lot?:no
What's the deal with boys?:they seem more openminded than girls, and as a female human heterosexual, i am attracted to them
Thongs?:yes
Pretty bras?:no
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?:my old subscriptions havnt expired. i make fun of them while i read them.
Who's the weaker sex?:humans.
Are you a feminist?:according to some. only when i stand up for myself against guys.
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?:he's a bit old for me, doncha think? he went to my cousins school. wowsers.
How often do you shave your legs?:when i am going to wear something that shows them
How about your armpits?:every day
Are you emotional?:i guess?
Especially when on your period?:ah, go away. NATE!
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?:originality
Independence or Companionship?:both
Stability or Freedom?:not sure
Personal or Interpersonal?:personal
Introvert or Extrovert?:introvert
Popularity or Isolation?:in between. a few close friends.
Unique or Loved?:unique
Understood or Individual?:individual
You or Them?:everyone

How Stereotypical You Are... brought to you by BZOINK!
Read 2 comments
being paranoid isnt a bad thing.....most of the time.......depends i guess........yeeesssssss..........bye
-hush
[Anonymous]
omygod omygod, how long have i been writing and i JUST saved it and the bloody thing dissapeared. im soo annoyed and my stupid father is complaining cos ive been online for too long. lm so sorry youll have to wait until tomorrow for your reading ill keep the cards. thats so annoying, i had just finished. is there any way to stop diary entries vanishing?
the reading is very good by the way, you must be dying to find out what it says.
[Anonymous]