you dont understand me. you never have. sometimes, it seems like no one does, but i know that isnt true. there are a few people that do. you probably think that you do understand me, but you dont. and it kills me softly and slowly that some of my best friends dont understand me to that extent. im so sick of relating down to people. talking about things i never think about, like clothes and money and guys, so that we will have something to talk about that you can relate to. that is why you dont understand me, and in some ways dont even know me at all. i cant explain thoughts and feelings that there arent words to describe them with to you, because we think differently, and about different things, and we feel things differently. if i was moved to tears you would not be. if you were moved to tears i would not understand why. you get mad at me for reasons i dont understand, and i get mad at you for reasons you dont understand. you dont hear me when i talk. that is proved to me over and over again, i have developed a patience with your ear that is deaf to my talking over these months. it isnt your place to tell me how to live my life. dont tell me how i feel, you dont know how i feel. dont tell me what i think, you dont know what i think. trying to control me will most definitely make things worse than they already are. its nice to find out who my true friends are. the ones that would love me no matter what my beliefs are. _______________________ OH. i forgot something. believe it or not, i DO see those looks that you and kelsey give each other like the ones today at lunch. the ones that are like "oh god not again, why is she like this" believe it or not, those piss me off. i could have just lied to you for the rest of my life. would you have liked that better? _______________________ im bored. i have nothing to do tonight, if anyone can do anything then call me!! otherwise ill probably just stay up in my room all night, cuz i dont want to talk to very many people right now and aim isnt working anyway. i can have another "ash wednesday" and light a bunch of candles in my room and insense and read cards and books and write and maybe even do some homework. OH. MY. GOODNESS. becca isnt procrastinating, go tell the news