she thinks i feel that person's emotions. im starting to maybe believe her. beneath my smile, and my helpmeimabouttobreakdown laugh, i felt numb all day. i wanted to curl up and sleep until summer school is over. and then sleep some more. i felt extremely apathetic and i wanted somewhere without a lot of people. this morning i couldnt breathe at all, i had to go outside and lay flat on my back for a while. and the funny thing is, im starting not to care. maybe that was just because i was so numb and apathetic today. or maybe its just because. but i dont care as much. i think...maybe. i feel dead. i havnt had energy all day. everytime i get up im lightheaded, and i cant stand for more than a minute or so without getting uncomfortable. so numb. i hope i can sleep tonight. please, i hope i do. i dont want to be left alone in the dark with candles and smoke and dark music. not again. i need rest... i feel like im about to fall over dead. but i know im not going to be able to sleep. looks like another one of those nights...