last night i went to the vianney basketball game with nathan. it was really rowdy, i think maybe there was more competition between the people watching than there was on the court. it was funny. i stayed home today. the combinations of a bad cold and not enough sleep. theres nothing big to write about, so there is going to be random things going on and maybe a memory or two. i had an old diary where i did that, i had a memory for every page along with the real stuff going on right now. there is something majorly wrong with my parents, if they block mtv on digital cable and they are playing mtv at school on the tv at lunch. pisses me off, when the only place i can watch music videos is at school when the priciple isnt there. nathan is officially brett's new idol. i got new shoes last night, didnt realize until i got home that they were air force ones. haha. ill post pictures of them later, they dont look like normal air force ones, which is why i didnt realize until i was informed by my brother that they are. its ironic, because i made a comment a while ago to someone, who still remembers, that i wasnt like my trend following brother, "i get what i like, but im not going to run out and buy a pair of air force ones just because everyone else has them." its funny how life has a way of smacking you in the ass when you least expect it. well, i found out why my dad wants to see the world in the next ten years, dragging the rest of us with him. (im not that unenthusiastic about it, i swear, its the grogginess....i was born a traveler, and ive always wanted to see the world...this is like a dream come true, but only half a dream come true, i want my friends to come with me!!!) my mom's friend's husband is dead from cancer, at age 50 or so. my dad is 47 (yeah, i know, i have oldish parents. my mom is 49. and im 15 and the oldest child) and so he wants to start doing everything he wants to do in case he should die at such a young age. my mom still thinks she is going to live to 100. keep dreaming, mom. ive always wanted to go to great britain. my only sadness is that france was only on the maybe list, it wasnt on the year plan. (see the entry "baby youre all that i want..." for The Plan. yeah. i still think about it sometimes. i cant remember his birthday, or when he was going to korea. but i remember it, yes i do. he told me that i would forget about him by the next day. one of the lies he told me, among others. no, i wasnt THAT drunk, that i didnt remember, (i wish). how much more normal would my last 6 months have been if i didnt? congratulations to august 14th, 2003. you are my anti-drug/alcohol. and you made me my brothers anti-drug. fun. just to tell you, im not dead. i dont know how i survived without the computer last night, maybe im not as dependent on it as i thought i was. but then, i really think i am. i miss all of you!! (actually wishing i was at school) i realize that this is getting too long. you dont have to read it, i am just bored and need something to do (its 1 45 and no one is home yet.) last night i kind of did a psychoanalysis of why gulf shores happened. i figured out that part of it was probably wanting to grow up faster than i can. it was from years of feeling older than i am, and about 1 year of looking older than i am. it was about feeling like an 18 year old trapped in a 14 year old body. it was about the fact that people that didnt know i was so young took me seriously as someone of their own age because i looked like it. it was about being sick of being a goody two shoes. it was about being sheltered and not realizing that decisions i make from there on out would affect the rest of my life directly. life was a game, and i wanted to play it. i wanted orange beach to be vice city. i was a sinner, and a nonbeliever, and i loved it. i read tarot cards and they were accurate. i was depressed, and i wore a thick watch and a lot of bracelets. i loved the beach, and i loved my life. i was a born partier, and by golly, i was going to party. and i didnt care what anyone else thought. i played with fire, and somehow didnt get burned. just a small spot of ashes on myself, that i cant get off. just a dark memory that i cant erase. and, of course, a slight reputation other people, that got burned, ill pray for them, will you? pray for a snowday tomorrow. please. and for the people that got burned (there is one in particular im talking about, that goes to our school). and for sarah soffer, and for my aunt, and for aleksandra's mom's friend. and for my cousin. i have to go, my brother will be home in the next 15 minutes, and im supposed to be sleeping. ahh, i cant help but be excited about seeing london. i guess my dad got over the fact that the pound is worth a lot more than the dollar?