i'm digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole. every time he doesnt care i want to dress up nmore to MAKE him care. and its getting out of control. skirts and lace and pretty bows. and blush. and i just get these blank stares when there was smiles. and somehow it hurts. i think its that hole. that hole, inside of me. and nothing can fill it anymore. so i just float through my days, lunging at any oppurtunity that could be a filler for a while, like an amused glance or a smile. because NOTHING, not food, money, school, music, sleep, shopping, nothing fills this hole anymore. i imagine booze might, but im too apathetic to think about it. not like i can have any anyway. i just need...somebody someone. just somebody. ok?