well...my mom doesnt feel good and wont take me....god am i even fucking gonna be able to talk to you again before you leave? :( im sitting here, looking out my window, and there isnt a single star in the sky. i think they all fell down my cheeks.... kelsey told me you were not gettin back until late tonight and leavin early tomorrow morning. yet, i still want to stay up all night waiting for you to get on. i cant. but i want to. if i could, i would sit here and wait until you get back. it feels like a part of me is in one of your suitcases. somethings missing... and i didnt realize how much it hurts until you were gone. and i still have a star's worth of hope that you will get on when you get home. but the realist in me tells me that i need to go to bed, because im wasting my time since you arent going to get on, i just wanted to say goodbye. i cant stand thinking that i didnt get to... i miss you already. goodbye nathan, have fun in florida. im going to go cry myself to sleep now...i miss him so much... _________________________________ March 12, 2004 last night was hell...i couldnt sleep because i couldnt stop crying... i dreamed of him...i woke up and cried some more. it seems like such a stupid reason to be upset...lets cry our eyes out just because we miss someone. but here i am, crying my eyes out just the same. because logic cant change the way i feel. because tears, like many other things, are so simple: they only want to get out. i just want to go lay under my covers and not talk to anyone. i havnt been this upset in a really really long time.