friday may 7th seems a good week ago by now. yesterday was almost unbearably slow, watching my watch tick by every agonizing minute of school. it went alright until lunch. a normal speed, i mean. he didnt make eye contact when i sat down at lunch, and every time i looked up at him he was only laughing with his friends, and that is when it set in that i really dont know him, the only reason i know his name is from a middle school yearbook, and my imagination is running away to the moon. so, i proceeded to tell courtney and kelsey that i would stop having this stupid childish crush. but i cant change my emotions right away, and i ended up looking up at him again and this time he made eye contact. i looked down at my food like i was supposed to, being the shy little child that i am, but this time i was bad and i looked back up to see him still watching me. now, don't take what i say next seriously...i don't. i do not trust my mind or my eyes any more than a compulsive liar. my brain told me that we kept eye contact and he smiled at me. i had a breaded cheese-stick in my mouth, so rather than smile with food all over the place, i finshed chewing and gave him a dorky half-smile. then i'm not sure what happened because someone set my insides on fire and something inside me blew up, so i told courtney and kelsey to come to the bathroom with me, because i needed to gush (details, not pee, thanks.) so, after i convinced them that i needed to talk to them, we rushed to the bathroom to find out that there wre caution tapes across the door (umm...ok? broken sinks are sure dangerous, people) and a sign that said out of order. so, we walked back, i whispered to them. everything after that is a blur. i think i told kait and sarah who he was, and courtney said he smiled back at me while we were leaving the lunch room, but i only sort of remember telling them and i dont remember him smiling at me again at all. somehow he ended up walking in front of us even though he never does, and after kelsey went one way and courtney and i went the other, on the way to math courtney told me how she saw that on a bulliton (i have no idea how to spell that. im tired.) board she saw that it said "if something seems to good to be true, then its probably true." well, i think the saying she was reffering to was "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is." as in not true, but TOO GOOD to be true. i'm tryng not to take that as a sign, because im not like that. math went slow. i dindt do my homework. i didnt pay attention. i day dreamed the whole time. after 7 days and 18 hours, the bell rang and i went out in the hall to meet kelsey and courtney at our corner by the bathroom and walk downstairs. ok, well...somehow he ended up in front of us, AGAIN. which is even stranger, because the only time ive ever seen him during the day is after lunch. ive NEVER EVER seen him after 4th hour. so, we were walking along, and i noticed he was in front of us so i started lightly hitting kelsey's arm to get her attention and saying her name. when she realized what i was talking about, she gasped and pointed at him, which is when he happened to turn around and look at us. my mouth dropped. this almost beat when courtney screamed "THE ONE IN THE BLUE SHIRT!!" he just turned abck around and kept walking. pretended like he didn't see anything. so, my analysis skills tell me that he is probably pretty confused right now. if he got the whole thing about the one in the blue shirt, the fact that it was coming out of courtneys mouth might make him think she liked him, [from here on is me thinking like he would] but thats impossible, because she likes mitch, right? or, maybe she likes me too. and why does that other girl always make eye contact with me? and then blush and look down? but then, that blonde girl was pointing and me, and the girl that looks at me was trying to get her attention before that. etc. or, maybe he just thinks im a strange child who has strange crushes with people i dont know. you know, the kind of girl that writes Becca [insert guy she doesnt even know's last name] all over her notebook with hearts. which isnt me at all. and it would be worse for him to think i am like that then to not like me. it really would. so, i just went with him [action wise...i pretended nothing happened, like he did] and continued reading my note from courtney while walking behind him. in choir we danced to a mulan song. it was very soul enriching. i gained an inner peace and love for the world. right. some short lady with short hair tried to teach us it and was mean in a nice way. or nice in a mean way. im not sure. SWEETHEARTS, please be quiet! you girls can't learn the dance if you don't stop talking. that kind of thing. she kept calling us sweethearts. it was making me think of those chalky be mine hearts everyone gives out on valentines day. 6th hour was a pond growing algae. i couldnt concentrate on anything, not finishing my project or doing my worksheet, i just needed to get out of school. and as soon as possible. away from him, away from everything. so, i dindt do them. and the hour seemed like days. the last 5 minutes when we were standing near the door seemed like 5 days by itself. when it FINALLY rang, i rushed out the door without worrying about what books i needed, and powerwalked to the car. then we had to wait for brian, who showed up with kyle. we laughed on the way home, about just everything. then i got water and we drove to six flags (after dropping kyle and brian off, of course) and i put in an application for a job there and signed up for an interview for thursday at four. i made sure to put on a smile and somehow my voice got higher and more girlish. me and kelsey went to see a play with landon at parkway south middle, the wizard of oz, i didnt bring money so i just wrote an x on my hand to get in. we took many awesome pictures of each other and other people, but i cant upload them because i can only find one half of my wonderful charger for my digital camera. on the way home we drove down the highway with all the windows down, not caring about what it would do to our hair, and took pictures of each otehr with the wind blowing our hair in our faces and and wiht the flower that landon gave kelsey. when we got home we called courtney, and me kelsey and courtney went to see mean girls, which was funny for the first half until i realized how much it reminded me of certain people. plastic people. i love being outside ronnies with people crusing past you. we ran to waffle house and i killed my ankle and limped inside. it was strange. and then we left. they both spent the night at my house, the power went off while we were sleeping and being the light sleeper that i am, i woke up to the beep before everything turned off. the strange thing is, i could of sworn i had heard courtney and kelsey talking, so i talked, and when no one answered i looked over to see that they were both asleep. actually, it was them talking that woke me up. someone said near me "the power's out" and it was a girl. i was too half asleep to figure out how to reset the time on my alarm clock, so i just unplugged it (it wouldnt stop flashing in my face!) and asked my mom to wake courtney up for her hair appointment. then me and kelsey hung out until she left, and today aleks came over and we watched donnie darko. i love it. my horoscope was right...an old friend has sort of waltzed back into the picture. only by association, but whatever. if it counts, it counts. __________________________________ edit: i forgot to mention something...in the previews for before mean girls started, i saw what may be matt soldier in a military comercial. it may not be him, but it looked EXACTLY like him.