Dear Diary, Well, I went back to school today after a week of being gone. I absolutely hated it. Nothing bad really happened; in fact, my teachers and most of the kids were pretty nice. But I still can't STAND being there. My stomach was in knots all day, and I just couldn't wait to get out of there. I don't know what to do about it. I'm supposed to get some new meds this week, which my mom thinks will miracurously cure me. I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I'll still hate school... ONE of the major things I was worried about today was Jeremy. And it went just as badly as I thought it would... You know what I just realized? I was gone four days and I don't think he ever asked me where I was... I think I mentioned once that I was sick, but that's it... He certainly didn't act exctied to see me after a week. Anyway, in PoT class not only did he not hug me hello (which, I'm ashamed to admit, sorely disappointed me), he barely spoke to me all hour. I think he said the picture I was drawing was nice. (The picture was actually an incredibly stupid subliminal message, but I didn't expect him to understand. It had a girl {me} just standing there, with one black bird {or crow} next to me and then four off in the distance. It's from a Counting Crows song. "One for sorrow, two for joy, three for girls, and four for boys." Anyway. It was stupid, but it TOTALLY expressed how I felt...) Where was I? Oh yes. Other than that, we didn't talk much. He DID hug me goodbye, however, and that was almost worse. I almost freaking cried. Can you believe that? He gave me a one-armed hug, and it felt like my heart just tore a little bit more... I know it's stupid, but I DO miss him... I wish I had never known Jeremy. I wish he hadn't started liking me and made me like him. I wish he hadn't made me think that there was something between us and then crushed it... I wish he at least treated me like a FRIEND, not some random freaky girl who he can't figure out WHY she keeps talking to him. I wish he'd look at me again... I wish he'd hold me in his arms, just for a moment, like he did before... But wishes are for fairy tales, aren't they? And my life isn't even close to a fairy tale... More like a horror story... Maybe--this might be a REALLY bad idea--but maybe I'll start sitting with him and his group at lunch. It'd give us more "talk time" outstide of class and MSN, and I think he sits next to Jesse anyway. I like Jesse. She's a great girl. Perhaps I'll try that tomorrow (IF I go) and see what happens. Anyway. I really don't know about going to school tomorrow.I suppose I should--but then again, what do I do about drama? I've GOT to drop out of that class; I'm just not up to it right now. But, dispite all my bravado, I'm still terrified of Mrs. Wharton... Okay, maybe terrified is an exaggeration, but I DON'T want to talk to her... Oh well. I'll figure something out. Well, I've got ten minutes before I HAVE to go to bed, so I better close up the diary. Love, Lisa Ann