Dear Diary, Well. Hmm. What do you say to well-meaning comments that make you angry? I don't want to be rude, but... I don't appreciate it when people come out of the blue and start preaching about how I should feel. I've gone through hell these past few years, and until you go through the same thing, don't tell me to be happy. I know very well that I'm lucky to be alive, so don't tell me things could be worse. I'm not stupid. But if I'm having a crappy day, I'm going to have a crappy day. No one knows how freaking hard I try to be happy, how much I want that. You think I don't thank God for every single good day? You think I don't thank Him for every time I feel like smiling instead of dying? Sigh. I'm sorry to be rude, I truly am. I know you meant well. But I think I will always struggle with this. I just can't stand it when people think they know how others should feel. There will always be circumstances that you either don't know or don't understand. I'm trying to overcome this... negativity. I know people don't intend to hurt those with depression. It's just so hard for me to hear everywhere, especially in the Church, that happiness is all my doing. If I'm not happy, I must be a sinner or a pessimist or both. But it's not true in all cases, and so I take offense to that... I'll get over it eventually... I'll have to. ANYWAY. So today was my first day back at Sky View!!! And it was pretty good. Not amazing, but I didn't ask for amazing. It felt so good to see a bunch of people who were excited to see me. It was like I actually mattered. That was my favorite part. Other stuff... I have Bro. Rowe for Seminary. I hope that's good. I like him. Um... Oh! Mrs. Wharton was actually NICE to me! I was like, totally stunned. She gave me a HUG!!! I almost died from shock. lol. Anyway. Let's see if she's nice tomorrow when I beg her to let me in the "Into the Fire" number! So it was good. Well, except that because I'm used to going to bed late, I got two hours of sleep. I fell asleep at 3 and woke up at 5 to get ready for early morning. And I haven't been able to sleep all day, so I'm kinda feeling not so great. No one's on MSN. That is really sad. I wanted to talk to Bill. And Morgan, but she's still at Regions, I'm sure. I wonder when they get back? My sister comes home in two days! We're going down to SLC to stay in a hotel, pick her up (at like midnight) and then play the next day. How FUN! I hope we get to go shopping! See I'm in a good mood today! Or at least right now. Earlier I wasn't, but I took like a five minute nap and that helped. I started this like three hours ago, and then went shopping and ate dinner and stuff. Perhaps it should end now. Love, Lisa Ann P.S. I'm not really mad, just... frustrated!