Dear Diary, So I just wrote a big entry like two seconds ago, but I want to write another one. About... BOYS!!! First, the usual. Jeremy. I had this huge upset the other day because I felt like Jeremy and Bill were ignoring me and I didn't know why. Sometimes I just feel like they don't want to be my friends. But I told Jeremy that (sorta) and he wrote me this super sweet email about how it's not true and he does care about me and how he's so glad I told him... But that just upset me more because I felt like an idiot. Here I am obessing that they don't like me any more and of COURSE they do... And I think I didn't like it because it showed me as vunerable to Jeremy... I talked to Cassie about it, and she was thinking that maybe it's NOT such a good thing that Jeremy is always saying sweet things to me... I mean, he shouldn't be rude, but saying things like, "I will always be there for you" and "I really care about you" and stuff does make me pretty emotional... But how on earth would I tell him that? "Um. Jeremy, you can't say super nice/caring things to me anymore because they make my heart break, which is ironic because you're trying to UNbreak my heart..." Yeah, that'd be a LITTLE weird. But I don't want to say that. Because I'm GLAD he's so caring and nice to me. I need all the friends I can get. So I suppose I'll just get over it... You know, I've always been so "Oh I don't care who reads my diary, doesn't bother me!" But today I was talking to Jeremy about my online diary, and I realized that if he ever read all this stuff I've written about him... I'd be mortified. Absolutely. I have SO much in here about him. And I don't think it'd be healthy for our relationship... Hmm... But then again, why should I have to hide my true feelings? Why should I have to be ashamed of what I've written? If he or anyone else doesn't like it... I am human. And I'm gonna have feelings that aren't exactly... something... Anyway. So I've been mad and in love and upset and happy and depressed... That's me. This is who I am. Everything on here is a deeper part of me then I show any one person in my life. You have to accept me the way I come, flaws and all. Well. I've kinda gotten off boys, haven't I? Boys, boys, boys. Today I was looking through my Contacts in my cell, and I saw the entry, "Garrick!" I laughed. Garrick put that in. Such a sweetheart. I should call him... Maybe do something with him soon... Ha. That'd get me in trouble with Jeddi. He's been wanting to do something with me forever, but I keep putting him off... Sometimes I really think that Jeddi is only interested in being MORE than a friend... He doesn't want to be my friend. All he wants is MORE than that. It bugs the crap out of me. I wish there was some guy who I was really good friends with... And then I'd just fall in love with him... And he'd fall WAY in love with me... and we'd live happily ever after... *happy sigh* Well. A girl can dream, can't she? Aren't I so up and down? CrAzY!!! One more wish... and it has to do with a boy... me... and my VL's... lol! Love, Lisa Ann