I try to convince myself that I don't mind being single. But I do mind. I want to go on dates. I want to flirt with a guy and have him flirt back. I want a guy to look at me and tell me that I'm beautiful. I want to have that blissful peace that comes when that special guy takes you in his arms. I want a boyfriend. Okay, I know that a boyfriend isn't going to solve all my problems. In fact, he'd create a whole bunch of new ones--especially when he ends up breaking my heart. But still. I keep thinking back to that summer and how that was seriously the happiest time of my life. Ever. And I know a lot of it--not all, but a lot of it--had to do with Jeremy. I want to get that happiness back so badly. And really. Let's be honest. Boys are so cute and cuddly and strong and they smell good. Who WOULDN'T want to be close to that as much as possible? But it's not happening. In the ...let's see, eight months it's been since Jeremy broke up with me, I've gone on four dates. FOUR. How pathetic is that? And only one of them I didn't have a pretty good idea beforehand that they were going to take me on a date. I practically had to ASK them to date me. Well. Maybe not that much. And my last date was a looooooong time ago. So what am I doing wrong? Why don't guys like me? Am I not pretty enough? Funny enough? Smart enough? Do I not know how to flirt well enough? WHAT? I wish I knew what was wrong with me so I could actually have a CHANCE at getting another date before I'm out of high school. I think it's been especially hard since I've got these two guys in on my mind. These two really cute guys. And I wish, wish, wish they'd look at me and say to themselves, "Huh. Now THERE'S a girl I wouldn't mind dating." But I don't know if they even see me at all, except as some weird ugly girl. I feel like crap. Why can't I get any guys to go out with me? I wish I weren't so freakin' shy. I just don't know how to TALK to guys. At least, not guys I don't already know. I don't know what to say to them without looking like a fool. I see all these other girls who run around getting dates and/or boyfriends with no problem, and I don't understand. How do they DO it? And why won't they teach me??? Well. Whatever. This is enough Lisa is a Loser talk for tonight. I just want someone to hold me and love me. Love, Lisa Ann P.S. Oh my gosh. So I just found out one of the boys I like REALLY REALLY REALLY likes this other girl. I am crushed. Totally and completely crushed. It's stupid. It's not like I've even ever talked to him. But I wanted to. Now I'm never going to get up the guts. How can I compete with her? I can't. There's no way I can. I'm still so crushed. He seemed... perfect. But of course. Any guy I like is already going to like another girl. Stupid, stupid, Lisa. Why do I even get my hopes up?