dear diary, friday night i hung out with teri ann and cassie. we visited amberly, too. it was fun. saturday i worked (yuck), and then, surprise surprise, did NOT have any sort of party. but it was okay. i took a long nap, and then i went and blew the rest of my paycheck on random little things. a shirt. flip flops. a wallet. it was fun. now it's sunday. i hate sundays. i hate this ward. i'm so alone. i feel so... unimportant when i'm with them. i don't matter at all. i hate it. teri ann said i should come to their YW. maybe i will. i'd have to change my entire work schedule, though, and then cassie would have to change it if she wanted us to work together. i don't know. the thing is, it'd be nice to not have to go to "my" ward for YW. but then i'd still be with the same people on sunday. i'd still be ignored. sigh. despite having a lot of sleep this weekend, i'm still very tired. maybe i'll go take a nap. then i won't have to think about all this stuff. it's just hard because not only do i not have any friends at school, i don't have any friends at church, either. and those have always been my two places to make and see friends. so now it's like, well, tough luck. i should probably get on some meds. but what i really want is to be back in my old school and in my old ward. and i want to be able to deal with those things. i know i couldn't before, but i'm doing so much better now. well, except for the anxiety. but still. i just want to be happy. and i can't help but feel like i can't be happy surrounded by people 6 days a week who could care less about me. i don't know what to do. i feel so utterly hopeless. i keep trying to get help, but nothing helps and no one understands. i'm not sure if i have it in me to keep going, keep suffering like this. it's been so long... so long, so far away from happiness... or even contentment... love, lisa ann