Dear Diary, I didn't go to school today. Well, I did. I came about twenty minutes late to first hour, and then left right after. I don't know why I didn't go. I just couldn't. I'm so behind in drama, I don't even have the motivation to try to catch up. I was watching the group practice their first number, and it was cool, but not cool enough for me to get excited about it. My mom wants me to stay in drama for two more weeks. We'll see. I also didn't want to see people today. Anyone. Everone (including me, I admit) is just so wrapped up in their own little lives, it's pathetic. I just want to stand up and start yelling in class sometimes. Can't they see that other people have problems, too? Why don't they get over their little lives? How come we waste our time learning about verb-subject agreement when there are people in that very classroom who are SUFFERING?? It's stupid. I hate how impersonal school is. Don't tell anyone how you really feel. Don't show emotion. Always tell people you're fine. Get good grades and say the right things and people will like you and your life will be perfect. lol. I wish it worked like that. I don't know why I'm being so negative lately. I'm sorry. I'll talk about something happier... Um... It was a little bit of fun babysitting today (even though I was pretty tired). Nathan, my nephew, is SO CUTE. I love making him smile. He has the cheesiest grin ever, I love it. :) He's almost five months old... Although I can't wait to watch him grow up, I also want to keep him as this little cuddly baby forever. Ashlyn and Kylee are really cute, too. Ashlyn is getting so TALL! I can't believe it. I swear she's grown at least a foot since Anna and Lance got them. And Kylee is actually capable of HELPING out now, not just hindering. lol. I asked her to bring Nathan's bottle to me today, and she was like, "sure!" and did it so proudly, like she was all grown up now. It was darling. Their adoption date was moved AGAIN. And this time, it was moved to the day we were leaving for Puerto Rico! November 15th! But luckily we managed to change our flight so we leave at night. So I'll "adopt" two nieces and fly to the Carribean in the same day! Wow. lol. Oh, and the week before that I'll have seen my brother for the first time in two years! November is going to be crazy and exciting. Now all I have to do is get through October. Jeremy's personal message on MSN says, "i just don't care about anything anymore". Sigh. I try to be mad at him, but then he does stuff like that and I can't... I hope I didn't make him feel like that... I probably contributed to it, at least. Oh! Now I feel really bad... I should call him... But I'm a wimp, and I don't know what I'd say... I tried to talk to him yesterday ('cause it seemed like he wasn't himself) but he brushed me off. *shrugs* if he doesn't want to talk to me what can I do? ...I'm such a jerk... Ack! He just signed in! Should I talk to him or not??? Here goes nothing... He says he's been feeling like this for awhile, and he doesn't know why. Poor boy. I've most definitely felt like that before. It is miserable. I wish I could help him, but I can't. So he just admitted he didn't like me. Although I really knew it, I'm still crushed all over again. Stupid me, I still like him even though there's no hope. I'm good at being stupid... I'm thinking about asking him why he doesn't like me anymore... What changed? Why was he obsessed about me one minute and then ended it the next? Should I??? Or would it just be painful for both of us? ...I don't think he needs more pain right now, but I REALLY want to know... "I am an idiot, walking a tightrope of fortune and fame." Except I have no fortune and I have no fame. Guess where that leaves me. Ha ha. An idiot on a tightrope. Fun. So many girls have guys that love them. Why not me? Why can't anyone love me? Love, Lisa Ann